Friday, March 15, 2013

Date me?

I was searching for a new book and i came across the best book i think that has ever been written

Notes to my Future Husband, A bitch's guide to Happily Ever After

I think I need this, as I am looking out for number 1 and trying to make sure that everything I do is only for me and my feelings. 

This is my world now

As much as I really wish I could be a huge bitch and really be mean to some idiots, I just smile and nod like an idiot until they go away or I make them so uncomfortable they think I have something seriously wrong with me


NOTES!!!


BACKRUBS OR BLOWJOB

I’m ridiculously good at both, but you can only pick one. Sorry, dude. You can’t have it all on the same day. That’s too much transcendent pleasure for one man to handle. I’ll spoil you, but I won’t spoil you rotten.
Terms of Endearment
If you insist on using them, please be creative. You should know better than to come at me with “sweetie pie” or “sugar plum.” 
I think “honey cunt” has a nice ring to it, don’t you?


Communication
Workday sexting can be a fun distraction from time to time, but please don’t send me pictures of your penis unless you’ve done something funny like put a happy face sticker on it.


Strippers

Going to a strip club is not an affair. You do not have to call me to check in. Have fun!


Friendships

Keep your douchelord friends, hang out with them often. Know I am buying shoes when you are on weekend trips.

I think this book has every qualification I could bring to a relationship. I love when men and women actually have their own lives. You can do whatever the f&^% you want when you want. What is a relationship when someone is constantly having to hang around you all the time. Trust, right?

Don't get me wrong I am waiting for someone I can take care of, snuggle up to every night, make them feel like a real man.

But I 100% believe in the feed him, fuck him, favor him. If you gotta do some things that possibly are out of your "comfort zone" guys like that! You have to be into the kinkery fuckery now! Did you not learn anything from 50 shades?! 

Definite rules on how to get and keep a man. 

The end.







4 comments:

Erin @ Keep Calm and Sparkle said...

Soooooo agree!!!!!!!!!!!

Hanna Lei said...

For you though I think the problem is keeping them

Jess said...

LOL I want to read this book for my book club! I am personally not a fan of strip clubs, though I wouldn't "forbid" someone from going for a bachelor party I would be highly uncomfortable in any other situation/in a lap dance situation. But I know many more laid-back girls who feel differently ;)

Some Snapshots Blog
Jess

Melissa Knott said...

This cracked me up! I found your blog from Raven's and I love it. But I can't find it on Bloglovin. Any tips?