I failed in my marriage

My life has been turned upside down from the last post. 

I thank all of you that emailed me your private emails as well as the comments. I was willing to give it my all and apparently he wasn't but your kind words helped me sleep at night. I wish all of you other newlyweds that got married on August 4 we can still share some kind of happiness on that day I will be proud for you and you be proud that I got my dream wedding, everything I could ever want, i just lost it all too quickly. 

I am getting a divorce.

It feels so harsh to say those words, but I asked my husband to do counseling and we could get help for our arguing, which wasn't that bad. Every normal couple argues and if you don't good for you, but I think you are lying.

My husband texted me all of this, which I think is the lowest of low's. I needed a man and thought I had a man who was going to say his wedding vows and mean them, that hasn't happened and been a huge whirlwind of small things they he didn't want to even try. So good reddens! I am so much better off without someone who isn't going to work hard for the one they love. 

I moved back to Seattle, which has already been the most exciting thing in my life. I love living back at home and my dad has been absolutely amazing on helping me get back on my feet. 

I have been calling myself names lately, like failure, loser, worthless, etc my dad has helped bring up my mood and let me know that I am not any of those things and I put my foot forward I extended my olive branch to work out my marital issues, he is the one that backed away, he coward and I get to keep my pride and stand tall. 

The job hunt continues and I am so excited to start my life over as being single and having a new career. Prayers would help to extend to the business I have applied for will somehow come across my name and know that I will be the right fit. 

What I have enjoyed most about this is I feel whole. I ultimately feel like I am complete and almost sad since I have to feel that way and be alone. But I like it. I like making my own rules. I wake up every morning and I get to do what Taylor wants to do. I live by Taylor's rules. 

It is amazing how certain people find out what is going on in your life and they slowly start to come out of the woodwork! like I had said I love being wanted. My swag has been rejuvenated and I am ready to let my hair down, change up my attitude, see where my life takes me now.

I have this scripture that I have been carrying around 

Don't worry I won't be getting all religious on you guys! I don't push that stuff, it's my business..so let's just take this as "words of wisdom" from a very big book :)

"Look on everyone who is proud and humble him, And tread down the wicked where they stand"

Have a fantastic week!

I want you to want me

I want to first off say thank you for all the kind words this morning on my twitter! They helped brighten my day completely and thank you so so so so much to Nikki for staying awake with me from 2 am until 4 am chatting about life! I absolutely loved it! 

If you follow me on twitter you may have seen my post, "Wow hose going to be the first person to call me Kim Kardashian #marriagenotlasting90days"

I didn't want to speak to anyone in my family about the marital problems that have come about since I have only been married 2 months!

my dad always said if you want to ruin a perfect relationship, get married. 

While I do not believe that whatsoever. My mind has been changing in a drastic form lately. 7 year itch happening a little too early. 

i have moved back to Seattle for an extended period of time to get my head on straight as I can not seem to focus on my marriage and why in the hell I got married. for love?

Please make me feel like I am not the only one out there that is struggling with these types of things, but every little thing my husband does. ANNOYS ME!

I may sound like a nit picking little biznatch right now...but no joke

"Brandon you are brushing your teeth wrong"

"Brandon quit breathing so heavy" or at all

"Brandon why can't you put the dishes in the dishwasher"

"Brandon why don't you want me"

Maybe because you're being an annoying controlling little pissant?

That's what I thought.

I have been so nit picky but I cannot get it under control to where now it is affecting the bedroom life.

or bedroom death in my case. 

There is no magic happening. Ever. At all. I want to die. 

I have this overwhelming feeling that my husband doesn't want me in the way I want to be wanted

Does that make sense?  

I want passion, I want a man who comes home from being a lumberjack swings me over his shoulder, stomps his way into the bedroom, then....

ok I will not give you the details, but those details are not happening.

As I am re-reading this I want to delete everything but I won't and will ask opinions. I am constantly on Brandon's ass about everything, but there is no stopping it. I wake up in the morning saying I am going to be nice and not let little things bother me. They do. 

The more frustrated and angry I get, the more my yatch does not get.

yatch=...c'mon do I have to say it? 

I have had a complete dry spell for...more than 10 days lets say. Possibly 15

{gasp}

We can't stop arguing and I had even told Brandon I wanted an annulment.

Yes. This is actually how serious this is and I had to get out of my own head before I made a rash decision. 

I did print and save the papers, but no ink to them!

What is going on?! Is this what happens to newlyweds? You get comfortable with the person and everything else goes to sh!t cause you are now tied to them for life? I don't get it. I don't know why this relationship seems to be ripping at the seams but yet I am the puppeteer of it all. 

Think I could be bi-polar?

Marriage is tough and I mainly think anyone else reading this that can relate, now you know you are not alone!

I just want you to want me.

Finally Fall...F#$% you

This isn't angry as my post imposes..but seriously I love love love the fall, my birthday is in the Fall 

(Nov 10)

I love the entire colors of fall, I love the leaves falling

oh wait... scratch that

I HAVE NO LEAVES IN MY YARD!!!

I LIVE IN PINE NEEDLES!!!

This is why I say F$%^ you Fall!! Will someone please bag up your leaves and bring them to my place! I have pine needles, if any of you know what pine needles are you know my hell...

My dogs pick them up bring them in the house chew them up and all the sticky effin pine sap is all over my couches.  Pine needles stick to my shoes and gets drug around my house. 

My car has pine needles threaded into my seat, so I sit down and I get sticky needles stuck to my ass! 

Thank you!

I am seeing all these gorgeous Fall photos, people taking pictures of their porches, their yards, my yard. PINE NEEDLES! EVERYWHERE!!

Source: fortheloveofmegan.tumblr.com via The Perfect Palette on Pinterest

What I wish!

What I have!!

NEEDLES NEEDLES NEEDLES!!

So any blogger that would love to send me some crisp orange, red, and yellow leaves. I will give my address out stat and please overnight them!

Happy Fall Everyone!!! hoping this week to go pumpkin picking!!

1st day to better skin!

I am loving all of my notes on what i can try to make my skin less "troll-like" everything from trying new products to drinking cider vinegar!! 

I know but I am bound to try it.

I promised a picture of my skin, I don't want any comments like "it's not that bad!" i know there are people that have worse but this is my bad. If i have 1! that's bad!

Ok i had to make these EXTRA LARGE!! Please no one unfollow me!!

A lot of those aren't even pimples, those are scars!

So today i am trying the St. Ives Apricot Scrub

let's pray this works!!

I am going to need more help for the scarring I think, I may be breaking down and seeing a

Dermatologist. Not my biggest want as I have seen one before and what I got was HELL

All over my face!!!

Thank you girls for all the kind words and these helpful tips. 

On the road to better skin!!! I want to never use liquid foundation again!! 

Pick Pick Pick...ugly ugly ugly!!

I am not a beauty blogger by any means! I have no interest in sharing make up tips blah blah. I do Arbonne I live by Arbonne and I refuse to put animal fat on my face.

This post is going to lead into a BARE ALL! 

ok bare face! 

I have recently ended my Depo-Provera shot and my skin is whack whack whack!

I look like I am a meth head..or was...

I don't know what I am doing wrong but I have to drink a million gallons of water to get my skin to clear up and right now nothing is happening!! I wash my face twice a day! There is no way I can go without make up..then I ended up looking like a horrible Nicki Minaj with make up just packed on to hide my scars, scabs, and pimples. 

I pick my skin like no other, I don't know how many times I have heard from my parents, friends, strangers! "Don't pick your face you'll get scars!"

Thank goodness I don't have pock scars, but I do have red scars from where the little devils used to nest! 

I have small scabs cause when I pick and I get that sweet relief of a POP! Well, I am always under the assumption "there is more! There has to be more!" so I dig and dig and dig! Then I am left with ugly red marks all over my face and then I go for that liquid foundation which I don't think looks good on anybody! Slather it on my face then douche my entire face with bronzer to try and hide these nasty little marks!

I bought a pressed powder foundation from Arbonne. It covers amazing and doesn't leave my face vulnerable to other peoples eyes where they will look at me and turn away as if the witch in beauty in the beast! 

Tomorrow I am starting this face mission and getting my skin back to normal! Today I have already put on this decent powder and t helps but I don't want to overboard so today I must face the music that you can see my imperfections and I don't have skin like J. Simpson

I don't airbrush any photos on here or even photoshop ever. Too much time for me. That is all piled on make up. On camera looks amazing, in person you would want to scrape my face off with a spatula!  I want to make it look amazing in person! I ma hiding in my nutshell because I am so embarrassed that I don't have perfect skin like so many other bloggers I follow.

I hate you all!

This is an older pic..like the day before I got married I still have those fresh pick marks just in other places now..I can't help myself!

So tomorrow I will take a picture of what the le skin looks like without make up.

please don't unfollow me when you see

What do you do to make your skin stay clear?

Any one else can't help but pick pick pick?

Any home micro dermabrasion?

Any tips!!!

Disneyland was the Sh!t!!!

I'm late, I'm late for
A very important date.
No time to say hello, good-bye,
I'm late, I'm late, I'm late
I'm late and when I wave,
I lose the time I save.
My fuzzy ears and whiskers
Took me too much time to shave.
I run and then I hop, hop, hop,
I wish that I could fly.
There's danger if I dare to
Stop and here's a reason why:
I'm over-due, I'm in a rabbit stew.
Can't even say good-bye,
Hello, I'm late, I'm late, I'm late.

Father Daughter trip to Disneyland 2012!

I am wrapping up an entire week of Disney into 1 post. Not going to be many words lots of pictures! I had a freaking blast! It was so great being with my dad. Remember how I told you when we went 15 years ago  I wouldn't go on some of the rides. 

I was a big girl now! I went on every ride!!! 

EVERY SINGLE ONE!!!

We did California Adventure, Disneyland, Universal Studios, and the Pirates Dinner

I also had a fantastic short blate with Holly she was the most sweetest thing ever! You need to follow her on everything! Just seeing pictures and reading her blog you just know she is a great person with a great heart and I was so happy she had dinner with my dad and I!!!

Yes, she met my dad on our first blate. If she was ok with moving too fast so was I! 

My dad did buy us some pretty tasty margaritas and talk about how we met online and we talk to people we don't even know and form relationships that fill some sort of bloggy hole in my heart.

{insert giggle}

Look at that 1000 watt smile! and no joke her laugh was to die for!  One of those laughs that is so contagious whatever was said that made her laugh made you laugh even harder hearing her! 

Holly please send me a recording of your laugh it will make me smile everyday!!

Ok, let's get back to my week in the Happiest Place on Earth!

besides walking 1.2 miles to get there because our hotel was the only one without a shuttle

 No effin joke I was TERRIFIED of that Ferris wheel! The gondolas swing when the Ferris wheel moves and my dad was taking a video of me the whole time freaking out!!

 Cars Land, I met Lightening McQueen and the firetruck, I had to send to Raven to show Gunner since his favorite thing is LQ. I had to represent and think to myself WWGD ( What would Gunner Do) So I threw myself on the hood of the car and begged for a picture while they were trying to pry me off the car I got the picture of Mr. LQ himself. 

Sent to Raven and now it's not on my phone! WTF.

 What would I give if I could be a mermaid too!

 Boo! Screw you Sea Witch! Eric didn't even want you. Whore.

 Cali adventure puts on the Wonderful World of Color, they play all the old Disney movie songs and have an amazing water show with..COLOR!

You have to stay to watch this show!!! We almost didn't cause we flew into LAX had an hour drive to our hotel, then went to Cali Adventure did some rides and were so tired! But we stuck it out and it was amazing show! 

I rode the Paradise Pier California Screaming Roller Coaster!!!

That's a smile. I swear! It's not a "oh shit this just took off like a bullet out of a gun, my heart is in my throat and my stomach is going to fall out of my butt, face"

In case you were wondering.

I met Goofy!!!

Oh wait, that's my dad. Moving on

DISNEYLAND!!!

This was the "Swiss Family Robinson" Tree house, Well I am going to date some of you because I never saw that movie, but since it is too old and people that Disneyland is more targeted too, they changed the Tree House name...It is now Tarzan's tree house. 

Swiss Family Robinson is dead.

It's a small world after all, It's a small world after all...

Shoot me now.

Two Words-Splash Mountain

Best ride ever!

Ok maybe Space Mountain....

 1st time on it, i didn't know there was a camera

This time I did...my dad's face is real though! haha!! What a wiener! 

 I had 3 of the "Largest pickles" let's just say the bathroom was my friend for about 2 hours

 My big toes are still on from my wedding. haha! I ripped those suckers off yesterday, finally!

Not the best picture but whatever. This ain't no fashion show!

TOWER OF TERROR!! Ok you go inside this old service elevator it takes you to the top and then drops you! I do not like rides like this at all, I was getting sick to my stomach the entire time, this was the 1 ride my dad super duper really really badly muchie wanted to do. I couldn't let him down now.

 I had to break down and buy some ears

Waiting for the elevator to take us to the top! 

 Can you find me!!

 Ok how about now??

This is legitimate I peed my pants!!! I had to pour just a tiny bit of water on my crotchial region, nobody even knew! 

Except me. Now 405 followers. 

Don't judge me!

Pirates Dinner Adventure!

 This drink was...$32!!!! For a mai tai and you keep the cup! I was like, "Dad I will just have sprite" and he was insisting this is the trip and we are going to spend money to have fun...

can't argue with that

 This was our waiter dude. He handed out 2 strands of beads...guess who got beads!!! This lady! And he kissed them! 

Do you have beads from a pirate?! No!

UNIVERSAL STUDIOS!

There is really a guy inside there!

First person on the tram ride to see where they make some movies

They brought a Jaws to the Atlantic Ocean to film some parts of the movie and it was too heavy it sank to the bottom on the ocean.

Everyone knows who lived here!

CINDY LOU WHO!!

War of the Worlds, They bought an actual 747 and ripped it all apart for this scene.

Do you realize how much money goes into movies...

Krustyland!

We went on Jurassic Park (Very outdated) but you get freaking soaked!!!! 

The cheesy smile is cause even though its hot, being drenched is a little chilly!

 If you don't love Waterworld. leave now. Forever.

Best show ever! All in 20 minutes!

Ok so I posted this picture on Facebook saying this guy was from Sons of Anarchy...he is! But...he isn't a star! He just played a role in it. There was also a girl from Pretty Little Liars, some other guys from Bones, Californication, and various sitcoms.

Did you really even think that a main star of a show would be doing Waterworld on the side?

ya I didn't think so either

This was my Disney, Adventure, Studio trip with my dad!! 

I am thinking everyone needs to go on a trip with their dad's after 21, We would be at the parks all day long, come back to the hotel and take shots, or drink a corona by the pool. It was amazing! 

I hope everyone has a fantastic week!!!