Monday, May 20, 2013

Barracuda...brace face....invisalign!


My beautiful cousin, Raven and I were cordially invited to an Invisalign blogging group over here in Federal Way, Washington. Where we met other Washington bloggers as well as the Invisalign reps to have them share with us what exactly Invisalign is and how it benefits society today compared to wire braces.

Do we look like we need Invisalign??

It was 80's theme so we had to dress up like we were from the 80's...well myself was born in '88 so I think that partially counts but I had no idea what exactly to wear, so thank goodness the reps had props to show us how it's done.

Fish net fingers. Hell ya.
I know you would think that Alcohol would make Raven smile, but it was a long day for me so I choose alcohol and she takes shopping. But that girl has some serious style!

I remember when I was younger sucking my thumb for most likely 12-14 hours a day. 
Could not get enough of that delicious dirty, salty, wrinkley, opposable limb.

My right thumb was literally half the size of my left and I would always have to sneak sucking it
(that's what she said)

My dad would scare the shit out of me on how mad he was when he caught me sucking my thumb. Probably which intrigued me to do it more.

So by the time I was 11 and had most my adult teeth, I looked like a damn barracuda. All sticking out from my thumb being pressed up against the back. My bottom were all sideways from my hand resting on them forcing them around my hand just so I could suck that thumb like my life depended on it.

Beware of the images you are about to see of my f#$%ed up mouth

I am obviously on the left with the huge teeth and semi soon to be bushy thick eyebrows

everyone has an awkward stage.

(I am seriously embarrassed but laughing my ass off at how disgusting that picture was)

Back in my days of this awkwardness I only had one option of getting the metal braces, with rubber bands, an expander, and then all the wax I could get my hands on while the brackets acted as some sort of death trap for the inside of my mouth to feel like warts and bleed constantly. 

Especially fun when I broke a wire and it went straight through me cheek.


And when my dad was teaching me how to catch a baseball by putting the mitt right in front of my face. 

Smack! Blood! Stiches!



crazy hair day ok. don't judge.

What I wouldn't have given to have invisalign and not that chunky crap taking up make out space I needed as a teenager.

Invisalign is virtually invisible..hence the obvious name. You wear the retainers for about 2 weeks then change them to the next set, your teeth slowly begin shifting and if need be any more correcting you can go back to your old set then restart.

Invisalign on a mold mouth

When you compare having smooth retainers to bulky metal you never have to worry about going in to get them tightened, a wire poking you, a bracket sticking to whoever you're sucking face with lips, or them getting an electrical current and opening your locker...

Brace-Face Update
It’s been six weeks since I decided to have puberty Part II and get braces at the ripe age of 24.
I wrote in my first “brace-face” post about how difficult it was to handle the emotional aspects of getting braces in your mid 20’s - the paranoia that people are staring, poking fun, wondering why, etc.   After the second week, that feeling somewhat of melted away.  I quickly became comfortable with my braces and realized that in reality, most people can’t even see them unless they are really up close and personal.  I’ve had full conversations with people and its not until several minutes in that they recognize the braces.  
All I have to say is thank goodness for Dr. Wang at Madison Square Dentistry.  These “tooth-colored” braces really are hard to see.  Have you been able to fully notice them in my recent pictures? Sure, they were sore for a day after my first tightening, but besides that, it’s become painless physically and emotionally.  
To be completely transparent, I was truly anxious and nervous about being a brace-face at Fashion Week.  I admit that I am not one of the  ”cool fashion girls”.  Not even close.  With the addition of the braces, I was starting to feel that a fashion week appearance, particularly around the stunning DVF girls, would be difficult.
Fortunately, I somehow put on my best game/brace-face  and quickly forgot that I was wearing braces.  It’s took me a couple weeks to embrace the idea that my outlook was all that mattered, but here I am, 6 weeks in, and maybe 75% a-okay with my brace-face situation.
Added bonus? My teeth are moving at a remarkable speed and Dr. Wang thinks I’ll get these suckers off before 6 months.  If that’s the case, there will no doubt be a “Farewell Brace-Face” fiesta!

Everyone knows Brace face right?!

I had my braces for 4 years! With Invisalign some can be corrected in as little as 90 days!!! 

So which do you think works better??

Anyone have invisalign?? Or have had both??

After I had my braces off I of course had to go to the metal retainer, which wasn't that bad being that it was Zebra print with a Powerpuff girls stamp on it.

Still would have liked plastic trays so you couldn't tell. Oh well...maybe I will have to screw my mouth 
up once again and get the invisalign!

(don't ask why these pictures are 'squatty' I suck, ok)

But after 4 years and countless hiccups with stabbing, chaffing, breaking problems I finally got them off and absolutely love my smile!


When we left our invisalign meeting I had made 10 new friends, realized that invisalign isn' just the "cheap" braces (as they do cost the same) but helps people get over the insecurity of the metal type, especially now having the teen invisalign to help straighten before they end up with a train wreck like my mouth did.

To learn more about Invisalign click here

I have been tweeting constantly about this sweet "beauty
 product and you can check out their twitter as well, here

Go and 'like' their page and give me a shout out if you would! here


*This was a sponsored post by Invisalign*

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Lifestyle of a bikini barista

The industry of coffee has shifted from the girls who get to wear their jeans and tanks to now wearing a thong and pasties.

This is not in fact for ALL bikini/lingerie stands. I feel like they get a bad rep because some have been known to prostitute from their service window. 

The only thing I'm stroking is the steam wand.

I needed something on top of my "big girl" job where I was going to make bank, hardly have to hold a conversation, actually have a reason to buy the "trashy" lingerie, which never makes it to my bedroom anyway.

I know the stigma and I honestly don't give a shit, you want to trade me places and when you ring up someone for a $3.50 mocha, they give you a $20 and say, "Keep the change" 

Holla back!!!

It's it literally mindless and the girls are actually very sweet. I have made friends with all of them and each has their own story and pretty much ended up in the same boat as me of just wanting easy money for less hours. 

If I had a car payment, I would be able to make it in my 5 hour shift.

How much work do you put in to do that?

One of the stands I float between is a bar as well....GREAT MARKETING! Customers can actually come in and have a beer while oogling my goodies but never touching, I am allowed to be stern and if need be "rude" with customers when they get a little 'fresh' but for obvious reasons our HR department doesn't exist. 

Every girl loves to feel sexy and when you constantly have people telling you how beautiful you look, I don't care if they look like Shrek, my days are instantaneously better. But we do get some rather good looking men, which sucks, as I refuse to give me number out to anyone I work with.


These guys are my only problem, they come in with WADS of Benjamin's and throw it in my face about how they could take care of me and give me whatever I want, take me shopping, buy me a boob job...(anyone up for a reversal??) 

F$%# NO! I am not an idiot as to take them up on buying me that new Gucci purse, Prada Pumps, and of course the girls being nipped and tucked. At some point they are going to expect you to let them penetrate you in some way, as you have penetrated their bank account.

Or wherever they get that money from. I don't want to know. 

Some girls have them and swear they have never slept with them, although they are driving a brand new luxury sedan...


I will stick to big tips and not big di@#s.


Of course they are coming in there, I do love when most say "I just love your guy's coffee and it just happens to be a bonus that you all are good looking"...Ya ya now take your hand out of your pocket mister. 

What makes you a creeper when you intentionally make your drink order to my breasts. Be a little sly about it, please. They will not talk back to you and your milk is coming from a cow, not me. 

Creeper status 2, telling me I dropped stuff on the floor so I need to bend over to get it, or make me walk around mindlessly looking under things for the diamond earring you lost.
Never falling for it!

I am a f@#$tard and how many people actually bend over at the waist to get something???? I am definitely one who bends my knees in a sitting position if I drop something.

Which I do when I actually have something on the floor to pick up and I am always facing the customer. 

Sorry dude, not that kind of girl.

Creepers of the 3rd degree... "May I get a glass of water?" 
Really. You're wasting my time.

I did start charging $3 for water though

Nothing is free

Let's skip to the worst of the creepers....

I love when they come in, sit down, bring their own AM/PM coffee and talk to their imaginary friend about how they have a gun and we all need to stay calm. 

These ones make my morning shit come out just a little easier, and for that I thank you.

Are you kidding me though?! These guys do this at 1 stand a little more than the rest. The cops say they are "regulars" and not harmful, 9/10 they don't have weapons but their imaginary friend does and that is what they see. 



I tend not to tell anyone where I work as I don't like the judgement on their face, I should really care less as I pay off and do 10X more things than any of my friends and have absolutely no debt. I am not a stripper...not that there is anything wrong with that...but I just could never touch a customer or wave my lady parts in their face knowing that the flag pole isn't the only thing at attention. 

It's way fun, I have all day to do what I want so I can actually have a life, or pursue my big girl dreams. 

The perks are awesome though, free oil changes, photo shoots, pictures developed, MP3 players, movies, clothes, shoes..etc. But I only accept when they drop it off in the stand and I have never given out my number, but if they are willing to give me a gift why shouldn't I take it??

We had a surprise photo shoot done recently and it was pretty fun I must admit. I am a little more modest than some of the girls. 

The blue/pink bandeau pictures was my first day, no make up and my hair was originally up...but I guess hot mess can sometimes be in.

I know I am fuzzy...

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Mother's Day Milf.

My mom is a milf. 

I know this, and I love it, it is my opinion but I think I am right.

My mom and I have a fabulous relationship, she is seriously my best friend but she does draw the line between being my friend and being a mother. When I have over stepped my boundaries with telling her things she will definitely put me in check, which I think some of my other friends parents could use a lesson in. 

You ALWAYS need to be the parent!

My mom is 6 feet tall! I am considered the midget in my family, as my 16 yr. old sister is just about 5'11" and I am standing proud and a whopping 5'5"

My mother and I have obviously had our disagreements but she has never judged me and even when I have been a complete fucktard and she knew it, she never rubbed it in.

Now I am 24 and could give a shit.

Just kidding, her opinion is always wanted but she knows how to deliver "Taylor you are a fuckingbitchstupidassholedouchelord" in the nicest way.

I think her and I were in drunk town here.

It was the best feeling when I turned 21 and was able to get wasted with this bia!

My dad always said my mom was good breeding material, whether he was a fan of her personality or not I think they made a pretty good baby.

1st day of 1st grade...

These are in no particular order...obvi.

Ya...I got my mom to Landshark

Milf in the middle

Happy Mothers Day to the most fabulous, hottest mom I know

Also for making sure all my boyfriends know what to expect when I hit late 40's

and liking it.


Monday, May 13, 2013

Blasts in the face!!!!! SEATTLE COLOR RUN!!!

I was completely blasted in the face today!!!!!

(Insert "that's what she said", here)

I have been waiting for this day for a few months now!!!! I tried to join The Color Run last year but it was sold out within a matter of minutes of the office opening up for sign ups!

Because who doesn't want to be blasted in the face every 1K??

I cannot even say how happy I was today! The pictures definitely speak for themselves, I was up at 4am since I couldn't sleep with all the adrenaline running to get this party started, so I worked out then headed to Seattle 2 hours early.

I was despy, what can I say

Ready to scroll through this magical rainbow, unicornititus, blasts in the face, special time?!

unicornititus-you may grow a unicorn horn after seeing these.

I am proud of my hard work and I don't give a shit if that's vain. I look bomb!
and a bomb went off in my room

I tried to do the make up as "colorful" as possible without looking like a complete whore. 

there really was no point.

I know Ashley looks like she just can't contain her excitement.
Ok let's get this party started!!!

Oompa Loompa doo piddy doo, if you're a skank we are gonna blast you...

Dance party on 2nd!!

If you're pretending to be wasted, wave your hands.

I love how my legs look like cottage cheese. Bad. Angle. But don't give a F....
 Could the snatch taking this photo get a little further away??
Then I get blasted in the face. 

I liked it.

a lot.


Shake your ass!!!
Shake your tits!!
Shake your Unicorn horns!!!



Let's get hyphy!!!!

There are no words.

Needle bitches
Hey we just ran you, it was crazy! Now we are back, at the EMP baby!
Ashley and Erik.
The leftovers of the EMP. I would love to go back tomorrow and see what it looks like.
I can't describe the looks people gave me on the way home...46 miles of head turns!


I am totally looking into doing the Tacoma and/or Bellevue Color Run as well!!! 

Washington bloggers, let's do this!!!