Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Churchills, Parking Ticket, and Motorboating


My night has been fantastic!!!! 
This is by far the best wednesday ever!!!

1st off I am finally apart of the awesomeness text thread and my phone is blowing up!!! with
These are the most hilarious bitches I have ever talked to and makes me thankful to have new friends like these guys. Why do states have to be so far apart...except Raven and Sabrina...

SOOOO...To get one with the next part!~

I decided I need the biggest nastiest bleu cheese burger my life has ever dreamed of...where could I get this magical tasty-ness in my mouth
then I get a text as if a gift from god from Sabrina-"Churchills has burgers for $7 on Wednesdays"

was this my calling or what?!
So I grab the Fiance right when he gets home to go out for this beautiful burger

Made it there safe and sound thank god after I made my disgusting lip syncing video which will not be played on here
So then the fiance and I had to celebrate being at Sab's bar
I tried to order my caribou lous - from last post...but the fiance wouldn't let me because he said i get emotional

So we decided to just go with a nice night of Mai Tai's
After 3-4-5 or I don't know how many I am feeling pretty good...well actually really good and my lips went numb..which is a good sign?

So after these feeling good drinks and amazing bleu cheese burger, we decide it is time to go home, we both have very important jobs to attend to...

I get a mother F#cking ticket on my car!
It was issued at 5:52 pm!!! umm the sign...
Does that not say AFTER 5PM!...what the eff!!!

So I have a $19.00 ticket that i am going to raise hell over because it is not fair and the sign doesn't lie!

After I have my bitch fit in the parking lot about this parking ticket

we get home and it's lovey time
This is how we love on eachother...until the marathon...
then it may seem a little more like this

yes i use self tanner that why my palms are orange...and I took this picture for Erica to show her I love pickles.

SO this was the recap of my Wednesday night!!! 
Tomorrow is GLITZ and GLAM!!!!
Goodnight peeps!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Thankful for 151...

I totally suck by not putting up a thankful post, but I think by my blogging and getting better and better at doing this thing, it means that I am thankful for my readers
While my food turkey baby slowly makes it way out my butt, I am feeling skinnier since Thursday night..of course going out Friday didn't make me feel that much better...well maybe a little

Had a wee bit too many of this drink called Caribou Lou and all I could think of was the Tech N9ne song 

151 rum
Pineapple juice, and and Malibu, caribou get them all numb
Make baby girl come, outta her shell and raise hell
Don't stop till the cops come

You know what I'm saying aight!

So my step sister and I had a few too many and I tried to do this shirt thing from Pinterest
I know this is everyone's new fave

Ya but I figured I looked too gross and looked like I was asking for it so I quickly changed and went out like "aunt Jemima"

I thought it was cute and don't hate!

Then after being Miss Drunk girl all over the bar and over everyone else, there is this woman with a horse mouth toothy smile who comes up and is hugging my sister and taking pictures of our asses with the flash on Raven! Now since I have had a few too many and don't even think about being a "good girl" in front of my mother who has a potty mouth herself...I say the Fuck word. I mean f-word...and surely found out that no matter how old you are your mother can still be mad at you for that.

She looked like she wanted to wash my mouth out with soap! She yelled at me to come over in front of all her friends mind you, and yelled at me for swearing. Well Miss. Drunk Girl cannot control the emotions and started bawling. In the bar. While my mother yelled at me. 

My night was nothing but hell afterwards.

I wasn't going to drink anymore and decided to throw a fit and lock her out of the bathroom...well miss drunk girl, miss sober mama is much stronger than a bathroom stall door...

I will leave the ...

I get home and quickly pass out in bed. 

This was basically my "Thanksgiving Night"

So THANK YOU 151, Malibu Rum, and Pineapple juice...for making a big ass out of myself, getting yelled at by my mom and crying walking out of the bar. 


Monday, November 21, 2011

Wedding Planner Giveaway!

So I literally Booked my wedding planner 2 hours ago, it showed up on my doorstep in a nice box with the letters a-m-a-z-o-n across it.
I tear it open and there is my wonderful wedding planner in my hands, I can just smell her sweetness fill my nostrils.
Now I can't even put her down

Want to meet her?

Of course you do!...
She is gorgeous isn't she?!!!

So I was told my amazing cousin Ashley (I wish she blogged, stupid beeyotch doesn't know what she is missing)
Anywhoozers...Ashley told his book was highly recommended by tons of the bridal venues that were planning on going to the The Wedding Show Seattle She gets lots of emails as she is sort of a party planner herself downtown. Very chique so I had to buy this book, plus Ashley is asian, so I was totes sold since she is so smart! (that's a compliment BTW)

I have read the first chapter of this already and I would love love love to do a giveaway!
I understand how expensive weddings can be, but I would like any bride-to-be, please you must already be engaged to email me and I will use the nifty random chooser thing and send you one of these books. My wedding gift from blogger fiance to blogger fiance!

My first blurb in my book is my inspiration, I don't know why but now Queen Victoria is my idol.

Oops I mean this Victoria
Sex Icon.

The blurb from my book

On February 10, 1840 Queen V. took weddings to a new level. First of all, she's the reason brides wear white. Before her they would simply wear their best dresses, but a pure white dress says, "I've never been worn before and probably won't have a very long life," and the Queen recognized how special that could be. 
And then there was the opulence. Victoria's train was so long it took twelve train-bearers to get her down the aisle, and her wedding cake is said to have measured three yards around.
But most important, hers was the first royal wedding to take place after the advent of photography. What that meant was that brides all across England finally had something to emulate, an extravagant wedding-day dream. Beyond the lace and orange blossom (more wedding traditions can be placed back to her), she left an even more important legacy. The Queen wasn't known for her looks, but on the day she married her Albert, she was radiant. Her appearance convinced the world that every bride could be beautiful. And that testament to the transformative power of love  still holds true today.

So thank you Queen Victoria for making me not want to be an ugly bitch in an ugly dress and have fugly pictures.

Here's a shot for you!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Confess Sesh...licking, pickles, and bubble butts

This is my very first confess sesh!

I was thinking about all the idiotic things I do and what things I couldn't live without in my life

This was all done on my drive to pick out my wedding venue...which I found and it is absolutely amazing!
Saving that for a bigger post

So Confession sesh here I go!

Confession 1
When my puppy wakes up and starts licking my ear it feels better than my fiance

Confession 2.

Oh wait was that first one a little too far...? maybe I should have put it in the middle
I will NEVER eat ay type of asian food without using chopsticks

Confession 3
I sometimes will speak a different "language" in the mall so those hand lotion people won't bother me
I make up gibberish as I go

Confession 4
I sometimes act deaf in the mall so those hand lotion people won't bother me
I honestly love though when I text while doing this and they will yall "you have a cell phone!!"
I didn't know deaf people couldn't text...CRAZY!

Confession 5
I watch so much Modern Family I want to strive to have a family like the Dunphy's

Confession 6
I could eat a pickle everyday, twice a day, 3 times a day. I absolutely love them and even do the pickle in the tree!
Confession 7
I have little hairs on my feet to my toe and I shave it.

Confession 8
Every time I see a lit candle I have the urge to stick my finger in it and then pull the dry wax off of each of my fingertips

Confession 9
I take more naughty pics for my convenience of staring at my bubble butt and fake tits

Confession 10
I feel like I just made myself look like a hooker in the last confession.
So I confess I love making people uncomfortable to laugh

Now maybe since this is my first confess sesh...I should open up a questions blog... so ask me anything!!! and I will answer in my first VLOG! next Wednesday

Have a great Saturday!

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Bridesmaids, dresses, Peacocks....

I am officially in my wedding bliss state of mind!
My average day consists of the following:

1. Getting up saying "MORNING FIANCE!!" really loud and obnoxious

2. Getting in the shower singing some song I made up " I love my fiance! yes I do, I love my hunny boo boo and he loves me too..." and I make up words as I go...while the fiance is still sleeping
he loves it.

3. Going to the grocery store to get a new bridal magazine

4. Go to my office and start googling everything I can working

5. Decide what I want my dream wedding to look like...

and now my thoughts!

and not just because I have some sort of satisfaction with the second half of that word

oops too much..?

I want a full blown peacock wedding!!!
have my bridesmaids wearing, greens, blues, and purples!

This will be my inspiration!!!

I have been looking at some amazing websites that I wanted to share!!!

I encourage every fiance < god damn I love that word
to get this book!!!
it has step by step instructions on a stress free way to build your wedding day the way you want it, but also giving you tools to finance! which I believe means a lot to MOST brides...unless you are like moi where I just have oodles of money to spend on whatever the eff I want!!!

I wish.

Anyways back to the book
Laying the foundation
Making it Beautiful
The Big Event

These quizzes are so fun!

here's my results

The Casual, Inclusive Bride: You seeks some tradition but looks more toward intimacy, sentiment and inclusion of others. The wedding experience for you is meant to be shared with those you love and celebrated in a way that is affordable and manageable. While you might want a mid-sized affair, it can take just as much planning as a formal event; yet you are more likely to choose a slightly alternative approach � a penthouse loft space instead of a hotel, or a rooftop or garden.

I have been talking with another soon to be bride Holly
We have been exchanging websites so much this week and found one I think we can both agree we love!

To see more of my ideas right now visit my Pinterest. My girlfriend Suzie has been amazing about putting stuff on my board!

I would love anything and all Peacock stuff!!

BTW...Raven I think you will be wearing this as my matron of honor

I knew you would love it!
not too over the top but very nice...

This is my first wedding post! I want more ideas!!!!!

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

An Ode To Raven

Raven Angelic Smith
this is for you

The one I want to stand with
to have you by my side
while I am dressed as the bride
It's been 11 years since I cleaned your room
I want you next to me while I marry my Groom
A bridesmaid is not what you will be
while we go through this ceremony
 Be my

as you are married
but still fulfill the duties that aren't too scary
I couldn't ask this of anyone else
The woman who shaped my views on myself
You're the one that will stand up there and make me smile
while I walk down the aisle

Ravey baby!
I want you to be my matron of honor, not a bridesmaid, and of course Gunner and Colty to be my ring bearers. I promise not to dress you in something hideous, as you gave me a dress I wore numerous times! and still have it! 
I couldn't ask this of anyone else you are amazing, funny, and we always have the best times together no matter what we are doing!
Mocha Milkshakes and McDonalds Coffees
partying on the boat, and getting Boobies!

I love you like a sister

                   Noun1.matron of honor - a married woman serving as the attendant to the bride at a wedding

Monday, November 14, 2011

My Engagement {Party}

Thank you Raven for my fabulous introduction to my surprise birthday party/engagement party!!!

I am sure now you wish you took Brandon's invite! 

I got proposed to on my 23rd birthday! I guess I don't have to worry about him ever topping another birthday surprise. It was totally amazing, shocking, tear felt, and heart warming...enough of the mushy stuff here's my engagement story...

I wake up the morning of November 10, 2011 after sleeping all night on top of a pile of mattresses with a small little pea at the very bottom that ruined my entire sleep!...Oh wait this is a different story...but in a way my morning started out waking up like a princess...

The Real Story

I wake up on November 10 feeling like a million bucks! It's my birthday! Everyone has to do what I say! I am leaving to go home to Seattle the next day, I got presents {wine glass from my mom saying "I may be late but I'm expensive"} a fleur di lis necklace courtesy of my favorite football team, some pink unicorn poop soap (don't ask), an ihome, and a jacket; then I also received a nice birthday breakfast served to me in the bathroom while doing my hair, a big bowl of whole grain cheerios. yum

I got to work expecting to have a million presents on my desk. 

I didn't. Those jerks, don't they know who I am?!

I decide to take a personal phone call around 11 since I hadn't heard my mom's voice to tell me Happy Birthday, which I need to hear, texting doesn't cut it! I am speaking with my lovingly amazing mom, when she all of a sudden has to hang up on me to do something...WTF! It's my birthday and you'll talk as long as I want you to talk..I walk across the hall to tell my boss this news and when I start to open my big fat mouth, my mother walks around the corner...she lives in Bigfork, MT ===>Spokane, WA 321 miles...

I look over my shoulder to the sound of high heels and there is this gorgeous tall woman! I embrace her in my arms and start to cry, I am so happy my mom came to my birthday! It was by far the best present ever! My oh so wonderful boss then tells me I have the rest of the day off for my birthday! 

See, I told you I was a princess!

My mom says we need to be downtown by 12:45...hmm I can not even possibly think what we could do besides a shopping spree!!!


We end up at The Davenport Hotel in downtown Spokane...

I am in shock this is one of the nicest if not THE NICEST, luxurious hotel in Spokane!

My mom valets her car, I follow her inside dragging my jaw as we walk into this glamourous hotel..all the way to the front desk, "Where is the Spa Paradiso, my daughter and I have an appointment at 12:45" she says.


We enter this spa...and my mom informs the woman of our appointments, I quickly glance behind the front desk and my Arbonne Beach Bag is sitting there with a Nordstrom box sticking out of it --

I would notice their wrapping anywhere!

The woman check's us in and grabs the bag telling me a gentleman had dropped this off...

Jaw still on floor.
Best birthday ever!

We walk to the serenity room get undressed, my esthetician comes in and walks back to get a facial...I am in heaven with all these scents and scrubbing that is going on. My face is soft as a baby's butt then comes the Clarisonic {asked this for Christmas)

I get out of my facial and am led to the next room for a 50 minute massage.

Really? Is this happening? Am I getting all this treatment for free!!!?

After my amazing massage, which was the best I have ever had, I am a wiggle worm and very ticklish. I didn't move an inch! I was so relaxed from my green tea and facial all I could think about was going into a state of pure serenity!

After my massage and facial, I meet my mother back in the serenity room where our manicurists come in and bring us out for a complimentary parrafin dip...WOW! Never had one and definitely think I am putting that on my christmas list as well.

We get a foot soak, rub, and pedicure I picked out a nice Christmas red, where my mom went with a black cherry.

After all this I am just in awe and feel so amazing! We head back to our serenity room to start getting ready for dinner...

Yes there is still more!

I get showered, cleaned up and look in my make up bag that some "gentleman" brought for me --
all of my Arbonne make up, hair stuff, accessories that I could use for this dinner...

except what am I wearing?!

Mom: "Taylor, open your nordies box"

Me: "duh"

I open it and there is a pair of hot pink feather earrings, a pink necklace to match and this amazing perfect size, one shoulder black dress.

Brandon picked it out for me to wear to dinner.

Holy Cow.

He did amazing!

Quick text "Meet me by the carousel doors at 5:15 so we aren't late"
got this at 5:20 %@#$!!!!

Mom and I rush upstairs as quick as possible looking for the carousel doors!
Hard to find in a huge ass hotel!!

Well not when I look to my right and I see a black stretch limo and there is Brandon stepping out of it.

My birthday rocks.

I can't cry because it was too cold outside damn November  

Brandon tells me we are going up to the South Hill to take some picture before dinner...

dum dum dum...

We head up there and walk out to the ledge that overlooks all of Spokane, it is gorgeous and very peaceful up there...but I want to get back in the limo as I am freezing my effin ass off!!

Brandon starts to kneel down while my heart falls into my butt...

Who honestly has a picture like this...? 

of course...


I want the bling bling!!!

So now the newly engaged couple is starving and needs to get these much desired lettuce wraps.

Now I know what you are all thinking...

and no...

I didn't pull a Britney

Not me...

So we go to one of my favorite restaurants PF Changs!
for the best Chinese food and lettuce wraps anyone could get!

With 20 of our closest friends all waiting to cheer for us when we walked in the doors

and of course my proud mama with Brandon's parents

The night ended, we got home and snuggled up in bed.

Goodnight my fiance.

Now to start setting a date, getting a venue and ideas to do for my wedding! Any ideas? Websites? DIY stuff? Please share!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

She's engaged!!!

Ok, so it's me, Raven, hijacking my boo-boo's blog because she was too tired last night to write up the amazing story of the proposal from her man, so I am here to give just a few sneak peeks and as soon as my little Taybug is up and at 'em today, she will post here with the whole detailed story.

Do you know how much I love my taybug? A lot. Not only is she stunningly beautiful on the outside, but she is THEE sweetest person you will ever meet. Always thinking of others and their feelings. We are cousins in a sort of round-about way, however I always have and always will consider her a legit part of the family.  Me loves her long time.





Our parents even dated for a second... 

(this was not from their dating days fyi, this was at my wedding. 
They have remained great friends and he is still a big part of our family)

Anyway, I don't want to ruin any part of her ultra-romantic story, like the blingin' ring that looks very similar to mine and the awesome spa date that was planned, so I will just let Taylor tell her story right here very soon, I promise. Like, don't go far today, she will post ASAP!

And just a lil' picture of the happy couple...


Congrats Taylor and Brandon! Love you guys!!

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Words for V-a-g-i-n-a...

If you haven't seen the first episode of The New must go watch..NOW

are you watching?

I'll wait...

watch it bitches!

I just watched the first episode and I laughed my ass off!!!!

So this inspired the idea for a blog post

Jess (Zooey Deschanel) asks Nick (Jake M. Johnson) if when she walked into his room naked, if he happened to see her GUMBO POT!
I died laughing of thinking of thee "danger Zone" as a gumbo pot..can't wait to ask the boyfriend if he wants to see my gumbo pot. guaranteed to get me laid

So I wanted to make a list of everything I have heard and recollect of what the "Vagina" has been called...(open to ideas for more)

1. Ham Wallet
2. Oyster ditch
3. Gut locker
4. Pudding Hatch
5. Va jay jay
6. Squish Mitten
7. Yipee Bog
8. Bitch Wrinkle
9. Fiddle Cove
10. Hoo Ha (compliments of my mother)
11. Bearded clam
12. Bald man in a boat
13. Beaver
14. Blue Wallet
15.  Chocha
16. Conch
17. Cooter
18. Fur Burger
19. Pink Taco
20. Whispering Eye

I am dead serious at wanting to hear other words. I think it is absolutely hilarious and I hope everyone gets as much laugh as I get!