Saturday, April 28, 2012

How to do yardwork!

Some of us have green thumbs and are excellent at doing yardwork

myself on the other hand I can't keep a fake plant alive!

So I have put together a video on how to yardwork the easy way, also introducing you to some tools you may have been using the wrong way!

Friday, April 27, 2012


I know a lot of people wonder how I stay so skinny! I never go running, I never eat right, and I hardly work out 

but I look amazing!

It's because I slut-cercise! if you don't know what that is here is an informational video to show you just how slut-cercising works!

Thursday, April 26, 2012

How to get wifed up!

You should be proud! I learned how to edit! a little better than yesterdays! 

Could this be my calling!

Jenna Marbles is my inspiration

she can be Jenna Marbles and I could be...

Taylor Sparkles!

No...? ok I will just stick to Tay Tay Butternuts!


Wednesday, April 25, 2012

A very drunk video

I can pretty much hold my liquor, but in this attempt to rap after having a few shots and a Margarita during, I think I epically failed.

I wasn't going to post this video but it is very very very STUPID!

It was great and then I tried editing and cut out pieces on accident when I meant to edit the other way.

Anyways, if by some reason you are super bored and want to watch me fail in an attempt to be funny

here ya go

I mean we gotta laugh at ourselves right?!

Ya. It was a really good rap on paper! I swear!

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

You don't know Jenna Marbles?!

Do you know Jenna Marbles?

She is my all time favorite biatch ever! I swear to GOD that her and I are meant to be best friends!

I couldn't put enough words in here except I love the way she acts! I love the way she talks! I love the puppies!!

You have to watch all of her vids! and I know every blogger can appreciate her!

even the dumb whores out there.

These are my favorites that I could watch over and over!

I want to be her dumb whore bitch!

I have started becoming her twitter bitch already! I love love love her!

Hope you enjoy these as much as I do! and Subscribe to her vlogs!

Have a great Tuesday!

Friday, April 20, 2012

Baby gates, flying Dogs, and Concussions

My Friday morning has started off with a BANG!

While getting ready to leave the house with my fabulous new extensions in, I must say i was looking rather 'Bang-tastic' this morning. I grab the puppy to put her behind the baby gate we set up so she doesn't have to be locked in a bathroom all day.

The little princess

So I have the puppy in my right hand purse and lunch in my left go to step over the baby gate...

Ya that's my foot in the bottom left corner. I fell over it, dog in my arms, I toss her before I fell but i ended up knocking my self unconscious. 

I knew this because when I awoke a bunch of fireman were standing around me, little bit of soot on their faces, sweaty and rugged. Making sure I was ok lifting me off the ground and explaining how my miracle dog called 911 with her paws and they could tell the distress in her bark and came right over!

No! I wake up and freak out because I am bruised banged up and the puppy is gone.

Oh it's ok she was on the couch snuggling. 

I don't remember her running past me, where I hit, nothing.

i stand up dazed and confused, nose slightly bleeding and the worst headache in the world. My dizziness took over my body and I knew I had to get to a doctor. 

I drove myself which was an absolutely terrible idea. I apologize to those I cut off and the stop sign I ran through.


I get in and they rush me over to the hospital for a CT scan, i hate being inside that tube! its not as deep as those cancer ones, but still having something around you that feels likes it's closing in on you makes me very nervous.

Then it stops spinning, I am still stuck inside!

They pull me out and inform me that the scans have a bunch of lines going through my head

I took out all of my jewelry....


I had to sit there and unclip all my hair extensions while the doctor and nurse (male) watch my pull out my weave
I don't really get embarrassed but I am in there not remembering what happened, tears running down my face from being scared I am going to die! and then having to pull out each strand of hair and put in a bin with them staring at me. awesome

They send me home and my friend Megan was kind enough to pick me up and take care of me. I walked like a crippled old woman out of the hospital trying not to fall over and carrying a handful of hair.

Now I get to relax at home all day eating a pint of Half Baked Ben and Jerry's and a mashed potato bowl with extra cheese.

This is the life...oh except I am forgetting the little things today, but all I can do is eat my ice cream and watch Smash!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

Trying to swing into Wife-dom

I am trying to practice getting into the swing of wife-dom. I have 3 months left until I get to join the club! I hope you girls I talk to that are married are making sure I am doing the right thing, I don't wanna end up a spinster, married, lots, of kid, a bottle of vodka, and 10 cats.

So my first step into wife-dom is cooking! i need some recipes that are easy but quick as well!
my love for pickles I have decided to try this

Does that not look amazing!!! I just think I want something Pink in my mouth...besides that


How about this!

I just have an issue with any and all vegetables but maybe if thy were smothered in cheese and pickles I could stomach it

Source: via Kristina on Pinterest


But for reals this is what I could have for dinner everyday

With Ice Cream

and this for a side
Source: via Ashley on Pinterest

I wouldn't mind licking this man-sicle for dinner, do you know how skinny I would get?! How many calories beads off of him? That would be my maximum calorie intake.

My half ass Thursday, but recipes coming my way would be amazing!

teach me how to be a wifey!

Sunday, April 15, 2012

Tag you 11 are it! Did I pick you!?

Amber has tagged me in this fun game which is perfect for my Sunday evening as well as a get to know all you bitches that I admire so much!

Rules of the game!

Rule 1:  you must post the rules.  
Rule 2:  Answer the questions provided by the tagger, then create 11 new questions.
Rule 3:  Tag and link 11 new people 
Rule 4:  Let the people you tagged know you tagged them.

Amber has asked me to answer these 11 questions!
I think of this as a great follow up from my VLOG which you can view here

1. What are you most looking forward to about Summer?
------MY WEDDING!!!! Going to be the highlight of my summer, my year, my life!!!

2. Best Book you have read so far this year?
------Duh, Reading all 3 Hunger Games books in less than 96 hours

3. Describe your absolute perfect day, if money was not an option?
------Would be to fly to Australia, find a koala, take it home with me, and love him and snuggle him forever

4. Blake Sheldon or Adam Levine... why?
-----I don't really like either of these guys, but if I had to choose I would take Blake since he is country and country men always know how to be the perfect romantic loving family man.

5. You have to lose 1 sense... would you prefer to KEEP your sense of taste, or your sense of touch?
-----I would rather keep my sense of touch because I hate a lot of foods and I could eat everything I need to say healthy without feeling like i am going to barf my brains out, and my sense of touch is more important because I love the feeling of babies, puppies, and gooey stuff

6. You have to pick one color of the rainbow to rock as your hair color for a week... which one do you choose?
-----PURPLE!!! I love the color purple! it is the most royal, highest, brilliant color on the planet!

7. Where do you see yourself in 2yrs?  (Family, work, location, etc)
-----Obviously married with 1 kid and possibly twins on the way, My puppy will be all settled down and not such a crazy ass jumping all over the place. Having a bigger house to fill my family!

8. I LOVE to cook... if you could have someone make you your absolute favorite meal, what would you request?
-----This is super easy I am a weakling for enchiladas!! Tons of cheese, I am talking mounds of cheese with a side of cheese fondue, as well as some cheesecake with strawberries for dessert.

9. What is your favorite quote or motto for your life?
“Dear God," she prayed, "let me be something every minute of every hour of my life. Let me be gay; let me be sad. Let me be cold; let me be warm. Let me be hungry...have too much to eat. Let me be ragged or well dressed. Let me be sincere - be deceitful. Let me be truthful; let me be a liar. Let me be honorable and let me sin. Only let me be something every blessed minute. And when I sleep, let me dream all the time so that not one little piece of living is ever lost.” 

10. Who is 1 person who inspires you, and how so?
-----My sister Sylena, She is calm, quiet, loving, and has this bright personality without saying anything at all. I think she is amazing in every way by not flaunting her life, or what she does. Where I feel like I need to make myself get attention. She gets noticed in a different way that makes her better than anyone I know

11. What is your favorite way to wind down after a long day?
----Lay on my living room floor and let my puppies crawl all over me, then grab a big fat drink take some sleeping pills. best night ever. 

Now for my girls! 

My questions for you fabulous bitches!

  1. What made you first start blogging?
  2. If you could choose any actor to show up on your doorstep and sweep you off your feet who would it be?
  3. If you could say you have been sucked in by any app on your phone, what would that be?
  4. If you got picked up by the cops for being nude in public, who would be your free phone call to bail you out?
  5. If you have ever worked in any type of  food service industry (restaurant, coffee, etc) did you ever maliciously screwed with someones order?
  6. What is your favorite Disney movie that you could watch over and over again?
  7. If your life was written as a song, what famous song would it be?
  8. When you are wanting that,"drunk food" what do you fall too and yet regret eating in the morning?
  9. If you have kids or when you have kids, do you want them to turn out just the way you did or complete opposite?
  10. When 3D movies came out what was the first movie you had to go see?
  11. If you could own any exotic animal as a pet, that would love you what would it be and why?
I cannot wait to see all your guy's answers!!!

Thursday, April 12, 2012

Seattle, Skanks, and Birchbox

I love my effin city! I am not joking you I could orgasm all over Seattle!
I freaking love where I am from and all the people in it!

You wanna see some of the most craziest?! Dirtiest, AWESOME dressed people in your life come to Seattle

if you need more convincing see here 

I have known this chic for 3 years! we met on New Year's Eve 3 years ago on a boat in Lake Washington
She has the BESTEST hook ups. 

Literally i didn't spend a dime the 2 nights we went out probably to 6-8 different bars had dinner (well french fries and wings) and all the drinks we could ask for

bill please! $0.00

Her father is some big wig in Seattle and every club owner, high fashion merchandise purchaser knows him.

Hi, I am S****'s other daughter

After getting partied out I did spend some quality time with my dad, we live in the most beautiful outside city where I have an amazing view from right down the street
Mt Rainier...flippen amazeballs

Oh HAII!!!! 

Brandon is obviously an amazing photographer

After the festivities in Seattle I cam home to have my Birchbox!!!!!!

Cannot wait to use that nail polish! I think it's a whale grey color and I absolutely love love love it!

To finish up the evening I was recent told that my puppy was a "chubba Wubba" now I am not too vain...

well yes I am, this fur child mommy will not have a fat fur child. ever

Puppy is now getting exercise and a diet, which i feel really bad because she loves eating steaks, cheez-its, pickle's, chicken, and olives

now she has to eat dog food. YUCK!

Fat dog is gonna get skinny!!!!. Bitch. 

Tuesday, April 10, 2012

VLOG is finally up!!!

OH MY F#$%ING GOSH! Finally I got this stupid thing to work. I can not even begin to tell you how frustrated I was last night trying to get this up!!! finally the Vlog is up, I answered everyone's questions

and yes I was nervous

I have hearing issues so I talk very loud!!! turn your speakers down

Next time I will do one that is much more "me" funny, corky, ya know so don't judge me on my first vlog!!!

Monday, April 9, 2012

WAS MY FIRST VLOG!!!- Answers to the FAQ




My vlog will come soon I have been doing this for 3 hours, very tired

Tuesday, April 3, 2012

I want YOU to be my F.A.Q!!!

As you may have noticed my blog has gone through a remodel...while I would love to take credit for this and say I am that fabulous to make this blog look this beautiful...I owe it all to my favorite person in the world!!!!

Thank you Ravie for re doing my bloggy

nothing feels better than receiving a text...

R: Tay bug give me your log in and password I'm remodeling your blog

T: Ok ***********

R:OMG it is going to be amazing! Don't look cause it's going to be a surprise


R:  ok go look and tell me how fabulous 

T: Be home soon to look

R: You do???

T: yes it is so flippen adorable!

R: Ok I am going to pimp you out!

T: Fo sho'

Alright so that is how this wonderful bloggy underwent a fabbity fab make over!!

Now I need you!!

I want to fill my FAQ!


I haven't done this and need to fill my FAQ!!! 

What would you want to know about me?!

I have 2 dogs...
I am getting married soon
I moved to Spokane from Seattle
8 tattoos

Just some ideas! but I will answer anything!!!!

and I mean anything. Clean. Dirty. Funny, or Repulsing!

make this interesting break my FAQ cherry!!!

Ask me anything!!!!!

Monday, April 2, 2012

I want to be a mom so I can know everything!!!

I want to be a mom soon! I am tired of not knowing anything awesome and those little tips, tricks, and secrets that only a mother could know!

I swear when I do my small household chores I get random things that I need to clean but seem almost impossible, but then I reach back in the "mom said" part of my brain and am able to do simple little tasks and save money as well.

My list...

My dogs decided to have a play time in the living room where my scentsy was sitting beautifully on my end table plugged in to where no dogs could get to it.


They knocked over the scentsy causing it to shatter and spill all the hot melted wax all over my slate floor and back door.  

I was too pissed to clean it up right away and was putting them outside grabbing stuff to clean it, well of course it hardens in 2.6 seconds. The scraping was ruining the slate.

Oh Mom comes into my head

"Put paper bag over it, and iron the top, the wax will stick and come off the floor"

Amazing. And it worked, took a little bit of time but now more wax and my slate looks great!

I sold all of mu furniture this weekend and bought new stuff, I wanted my carpet fresh but don't have time to deep clean.

Mom "Put baking soda on the carpet and vacuum it up"

Carpet smells amazing and so fresh to fill with new scents!
like I said i sold my furniture, my living room is not this empty

I wanted to clean my make up brushes after I told Sabrina it had been 3 years since I cleaned them...or i guess bought them and never cleaned them

Go ahead and call me disgusting now. My brushes my face I didn't care

I was not going to spend $$ on make up cleaner

Call up mom

"Oh just put shampoo and alcohol together"

The brush in the middle with the white tip...I forgot it was white on the end.

I am nasty. Sorry.

I am deep cleaning my bathroom since I am getting a new living room everything has to look new...right?

The chrome on the handle isn't as shiny

Oh mother I swore i would never apologize for what I put you through

"Sweetie, just put some salt and vinegar together and rub on the chrome, duh!"

Ok she didn't say duh

But fingerprints, toothpaste, hairspray whatever the eff was on the handle gone and looks brad spanking new!

This is my sink faucet! Just not my pic. B is in there and it stinks so I don't want to take a picture!

Smelly garbage disposal, which really effing sucks because I didn't notice it and when the mom was over "your sink reeks like shit Taylor!"

"Well, mom that's why I have you come over to organize my house and clean it!!!"


And I do say duh to her!

She buys some lemons, makes some lemon drops and put the slices int he disposal for a while before turning it on

Haven't had a stench curl my nose hairs since!

AndI got a fabulous drink out of it!

Cleaning your wedding ring?!

now this I knew you could put your ring in the cap of rubbing alcohol and that takes off the oils, but there is grime that will build up from either lotion, dead skin cells, or just random crap you put your hands through each day

Take a small cup and fill it with Simple Green, this is an ALL NATURAL chemical (well I guess it wouldn't be a chemical) but put your ring in that! 

10X More shiny than I think the day Brandon proposed!

My last one!

Wax stuck in a candle holder

My mother owns every candle you can imagine and the holders to go with every theme you can think of, I swear she has Chanukah ones and we aren't even Jewish!

Boil a pot of hot water, pour into candle holder the wax comes right out with a swipe of a paper towel

all my cheap candles I can now reuse for my votives that don't have holders

If you have some tips for small at home stuff I would love to hear them! These are just a few I didn't know and I feel like all moms know these little tricks to get things done without having to tear your hair out!

I can't wait to be a mom to learn all your secrets!