Thursday, December 29, 2011

Ghosts of Boyfriend's Past butter style

I decided to do a Ghost of Boyfriend's past after one of my BFF bloggy friends Sabrina did a whole series and they were absolutely to die for!
which you can read for your enjoyment here 

I had to think long and hard about a boyfriend I can remember that would be a good one to put into this series, then it dawned on me. I had only forgotten about this one because it was so crude, so disgusting, and the most horrific thing I have ever seen I completely pushed it out of my mind...

I had one of my new bloggy friends Ashlee do one as well! You have to go check out the story on her and her hubs!

My Ghost of Boyfriend's past

When I decided to venture out at 19 and start dating older men, which wasn't really what I was looking for but I had dated a few thinking they were around my age but inevitably being 12-15 years older than me. I know what you may think at being 19 years old, but sometimes needs that you have at that age boys do not know what they are doing or trying too hard to do it. I needed a man! A real man! 

 I knew I had found just him when I met.... let's call him "Corky" and I really mean quirky. He was amazingly handsome had a steady job, ready to settle down, as well as buy me and all my friends alcohol! Which I mean you're 19 and the coolest person in the world! So Corky and I hit it off and he was absolutely amazing in the bedroom area! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G knew just how to push/pull my buttons, knobs, doorbells, what-its and wowzers! Could not get enough of him!

 All within the first month!  

Well Corky calls me up and asked if I want to have dinner over at his place and then have a little TLFC....I am sure you can figure out the added letter so I go over to his house thinking we are probably going to have taco bell for dinner or something and then just do the nasty all night. but girl's got needs too. 

I knock on the door and hear his "yes come in!" I walk in and there are candles lit everywhere! Holy shit is he getting all romantic when I was just sort of hanging out with him to get whatever needed done. 

So I walk down the hall to the kitchen/living room, he is sitting on the couch, shirtless. I can see the back of him I proceed to make my way around the couch....Oh my Fucking G#@....he has on a pair of MY panties! MY PANTIES! And a tub of I can't believe it's not butter on the coffee table, with butter slathered all on his chest! I stood there freaking mortified as he is smearing the butter around on his chest and stomach.

 Are you joking me? 

I didn't know what to do. Do I run for the door, do I stay and just go with it because I'm 19 and hey, chalk it up to experiences? I stood there and he finally asked "what's wrong"...WHAT'S WRONG? YOU'RE WEARING MY UNDERWEAR AND HAVE BUTTER SMEARED ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING CHEST?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT'S WRONG?!!@?!? "Oh well I thought you were into kinky stuff?".....REALLY!!! REALLY!!!!! 

If it has batteries, fur, maybe chain links of some sort I will try it out that’s what I get by being "kinky" not making a fattening sammich with my body and a dude wearing my underwear! I start to walk out and he gets up to like chase me down so I wouldn’t leave I couldn't help but run quicker, I didn't want to even look at him standing up with my panties hardly holding in his bulging junk with margarine slathered down his body.

 I make it out of his house into my car with no more butter harassment and leave. Delted his number and never saw him again.

Should I have moral to this story ladies? Don't let men cook you dinner it may not be what you think? 
 I will never ever forget this but also I have never told anyone because of the awkwardness of conversation to go along with this story.

Make sure to check out Ashlee story of her and her hubs and the way they met!

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

Christmas Tanz

I seriously had the worst effin Christmas I could have ever had
First we had to open presents before Christmas Vacation to Arizona

What I got on Christmas Day 1...

A Kobo Reader
A cake pop maker
A Shark Steam mop
who knew I would get so excited about having to mop my floors...
A personalized Clarisonic
Is that not the most unthoughtful thing ever? Seriously.

a paraffin hand dip station
This was all I got...seriously he could have done a lot better don't you think?


On Christmas Day I ended up with a pair of Ray Ban Sunglasses

and the movie Dolphin Tale

I am feeling as if my fiance doesn't know me at all!!!!

We end up flying home 2 days after Christmas to only be surprised by more Christmas gifts at our house from my mother.

Do I seriously have to open more gifts for myself?..this is dragging on...

My oh so unthoughtful mother bought me 

A Michael Kors leather jacket
I would have taken a pic of the jacket but I wore it today and didn't try to look cute and I am not going to go primp myself right now. but I will have some pics later

She got me

red pair of jeans
a pair of Silver jeans

some Betsy Johnson Make up bag set of 4
THAT'S it!!!

Gosh I feel gypped this Christmas, not to mention the new ornaments I was sent from various family members and the fact I still have to go to Seattle and have Christmas with my dad next week.

More presents....You have got to be kidding me.

All we did in flippen Arizona was sit by the pool, drink margarita's and get sun burned
Such a drag in December...

Went to a zoo to see some animals..they were alright I guess...



then I fed a giraffe which was ok if you are into feeding giraffes

I mean like everyone has fed a giraffe haven't they..anyways

After this entire boring day of seeing animals, feeding giraffes, being in 60 degree weather while at home it was snowing hard. We had to wash it down with some drinks and football.

It was just a drag that I had to wear tank tops and shorts, maybe a light jacket here and there around Christmas time. I would have been better wearing 5-6 layers of clothing, ugg boots with socks, then a down jacket and scarf to top it all off. 
Damn this nice weather!

Hope no one else had a miserable Christmas as I did.

P.s. I hope everyone knows that this is a total joke and I was making a mockery of it, I feel like I was so blessed this Christmas not because of what I got but also what I have, though what I got I think was pretty high on the scale to outdo next Christmas.

Have to say my most favorite is my Leather Jacket and Clarisonic, I am catching up on people's Christmas blogs, so hard but I will leave you love!

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I am alive from Christmas!!!

This is a short and sweet posting since I am sitting here at the Phoenix Airport waiting to board our flight back to Spoka-loo!

 We had an AMAZING time in Arizona! it was hot, we laid by the pool, drank margarita's, wine, duck farts, Coors Light, and Hooegarden (the best wheat beer I have ever had)

It was rough getting adjusted to the heat when I have been so used to the cold thee past couple months, so We actually slept a lot!!! I never ever ever ever take naps and on this trip we would go out in the morning and come back to our Casita and chill out for a few hours, then back out to do it all over again!!

I can not wait to share what I got for Christmas, my lover dover hunny bunny boo boo (don't tell him I told you I call him that) got me the best presents before we left for Arizona! Then on Christmas morning in Arizona he gave me a brand new pair of Ray Bans, I have never owned designer glasses because I am so afraid of losing them, wrecking them, or losing them at boat races. I swear if Raven and I could drain the Columbia River just right by our dock there would be more than 20 pairs of designer glasses! He also got me the movie Dolphin Tale! I am so obsessed with these beautiful creatures and this was the most perfect gift he could have gotten me! if you haven't seen it you need to watch it! You can actually watch the dolphin itself here how amazing to know what these people did for this Dolphin! The story is great, the movie is great and definitely one for the family to watch!

then more and more drinks. I think we had a buzz going the entire trip and I did fail and throw up...but that just leaves more to drink! 

I am cutting this short since we are boarding! I can not wait to catch up on everyones blog and see how everyone's christmas was!!! 

I would like to add if everyone would please say a prayer for my friend who is going through a small bump right now, I can not say what or who on anything but just say a prayer that her prayers get answered.

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Snow, Sunshine, Possible Blate Christmas

This is going to be really quick since I only have a half day at work today because i will be flying to lovely Scottsdale, Arizona for Christmas!!!

This morning I woke up in Spokane to an awesome 22 degrees, ice on the freeway and snow compacted on the side roads, it was a lovely drive to work.

I take a sneak peek at my Iphone to see what weather I will be flying into today...
I am in heaven!!!!!

and so glad I will not have to be home to this

So I will be laying by the pool in about 12 hours, trading in my Starbucks Peppermint Hot Chocolate for some Patron Margaritas!
Is there such thing as a dirty Margarita..? if there is I WANT IT

but on that note of finding a new drink Lindsey and I are going to make our own Pickle Martini.
Sabrina say's there is one out there, but I have yet to find it so I just think Lindsey and I will make our own concoction, it will be fantastic!

I am hoping while I am down in Lovely Scottsdale I will be able to meet this lovely lady!
this is Mandy I am so hoping with the busy holiday's I will be able to meet this gorgeous mom/teacher/wife!
She seriously has the most awesome projects that make me want a kid now to do fun artsy stuff with!
So if I get pregnant after Scottsdale--blame her for rushing me with her awesome ideas!

Hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas!

Monday, December 19, 2011

The Weekend Of Blogger Babes

This weekend was an amazing weekend for muah of course..but also for my beautiful cousin Raven and one of my best blogger friends/wedding photographer/amazingly sweet girl/real life friend Sabrina!!

We both went to Raven's house for her 25th birthday The first night Raven and I went to the local country club Meadow Springs. Where we had amazing Duck Farts

and if you are one of my friends on facebook...slight typo!!! I didn't mean to say "at the club having SUCK FARTS in our mouth"

awww was embarrassing...

After those and lots of different types of Vodka drinks we were feeling pretty amazing!
Then to go the old guys house for some pool and Eagles karaoke...


Ya I know....

Then of course we had to re-cap our infamous picture...

The next morning after our drunk festivities, Raven's husband, Rob brought us mimosa's in bed and made us breakfast...

Don't mind the 9 o clock in the morning look please...

Sabrina joined the festivities around noon and we all went to PF Changs
Seriously this is like the crack of best foods! I could nom this shit everyday!

We had to go to 

For the best, THE BEST martini and I ate my first green olive! The pictures that Sabrina got while during this twisted face session are unreal and will have to wait until she posts, i had a blood orange martini that was like a tiny little orgasm on my I had another...and I think another...THEN....FREAKING SABRINA!!!!!! paid for mine, Raven's and her drinks! I couldn't believe it! we had at the LEAST 3-4 vodka type drinks each!

My night to this fantastic weekend did not end well though, I ended up having to go home early so I couldn't defend my 3 or is it 4 time Pictionary Championship against Ravie, the my car headlight went out, and battery died..ugh but made it home and I know my 2 girls are living it up without me right now.


So Raven in conclusion...

Funny Birthday Ecard: Happy birthday to one of the few people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Going back to the roots

With Christmas coming up and reminiscing on how now I have my own house...
A fiance...
and the two bestest fur children I could ask for...

But I also have to buy my own drinks now, or I guess a thank you ecards, pinterest and blunt cards for making me not feel so shitty on christmas...
Source: via Tim on Pinterest

I want this kind of Christmas all the time!!!

Funny Christmas Season Ecard: I've put a lot of thought into asking Siri what to get you for Christmas.

Funny Christmas Season Ecard: Plan on groping me at the Christmas party.
Funny Christmas Season Ecard: Good luck explaining to your kids why it's okay for Santa to be morbidly obese.

I hope everyone gets exactly what they want and no

heartache since some of us are becoming adults right

 now and learning real life. I want to go back to where I 

receive gifts, not buy them!

Monday, December 12, 2011

How the GLITZ stole Christmas Blogger swap Presents!

Glitz and Glam!!!!

My Glitz and Glam partner for the gift blog swap was Suzie Q didn't say your real name wasn't sure
She got me AMAZING Christmas tree decor!
and it is the only thing on my tree since I won't be here for Christmas I am a scrooge about decorating it when I don't get to enjoy, so Suzie Q you have decorated my tree and given me the best gifts!

My very first Tree Topper!
Did she not hit the nail on the head with the glitz and glam!?!?

Then I got 2 packs of ornaments!
Pink snowflakes
Silver Snowflakes

Like I said So Glitz and Glam!

Along with the hearts for my newly engagement
I am loving this girl!

She got me a pickle for my tree!!! My most favoritest food in the whole wide world I could live off of pickles!!! as well as the best little thing for when you have kids. You hide the pickle in the tree and then whoever the first child that finds the pickle in the tree, gets the pickle present! 1 extra gift than the rest! normally a movie or something that could be for any of them! I love this! I especially love winning the pickle this year I am hiding the pickle myself and Brandon will just have to give me the pickle present.

Then I received this amazing stocking that is fantastic as I do not have a stocking for my new house
My card came with an ornament as well
Did she not do an amazing job as a Glitz and Glam partner?! I am so happy i got partnered up with her thank you so much to my cousin, Raven and my friend Lindsey for letting me participate in this! I had so much fun!

Merry Christmas!