Thursday, December 29, 2011

Ghosts of Boyfriend's Past butter style

I decided to do a Ghost of Boyfriend's past after one of my BFF bloggy friends Sabrina did a whole series and they were absolutely to die for!
which you can read for your enjoyment here 

I had to think long and hard about a boyfriend I can remember that would be a good one to put into this series, then it dawned on me. I had only forgotten about this one because it was so crude, so disgusting, and the most horrific thing I have ever seen I completely pushed it out of my mind...

I had one of my new bloggy friends Ashlee do one as well! You have to go check out the story on her and her hubs!

My Ghost of Boyfriend's past

When I decided to venture out at 19 and start dating older men, which wasn't really what I was looking for but I had dated a few thinking they were around my age but inevitably being 12-15 years older than me. I know what you may think at being 19 years old, but sometimes needs that you have at that age boys do not know what they are doing or trying too hard to do it. I needed a man! A real man! 

 I knew I had found just him when I met.... let's call him "Corky" and I really mean quirky. He was amazingly handsome had a steady job, ready to settle down, as well as buy me and all my friends alcohol! Which I mean you're 19 and the coolest person in the world! So Corky and I hit it off and he was absolutely amazing in the bedroom area! A-M-A-Z-I-N-G knew just how to push/pull my buttons, knobs, doorbells, what-its and wowzers! Could not get enough of him!

 All within the first month!  

Well Corky calls me up and asked if I want to have dinner over at his place and then have a little TLFC....I am sure you can figure out the added letter so I go over to his house thinking we are probably going to have taco bell for dinner or something and then just do the nasty all night. but girl's got needs too. 

I knock on the door and hear his "yes come in!" I walk in and there are candles lit everywhere! Holy shit is he getting all romantic when I was just sort of hanging out with him to get whatever needed done. 

So I walk down the hall to the kitchen/living room, he is sitting on the couch, shirtless. I can see the back of him I proceed to make my way around the couch....Oh my Fucking G#@....he has on a pair of MY panties! MY PANTIES! And a tub of I can't believe it's not butter on the coffee table, with butter slathered all on his chest! I stood there freaking mortified as he is smearing the butter around on his chest and stomach.

 Are you joking me? 

I didn't know what to do. Do I run for the door, do I stay and just go with it because I'm 19 and hey, chalk it up to experiences? I stood there and he finally asked "what's wrong"...WHAT'S WRONG? YOU'RE WEARING MY UNDERWEAR AND HAVE BUTTER SMEARED ALL OVER YOUR FUCKING CHEST?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN WHAT'S WRONG?!!@?!? "Oh well I thought you were into kinky stuff?".....REALLY!!! REALLY!!!!! 

If it has batteries, fur, maybe chain links of some sort I will try it out that’s what I get by being "kinky" not making a fattening sammich with my body and a dude wearing my underwear! I start to walk out and he gets up to like chase me down so I wouldn’t leave I couldn't help but run quicker, I didn't want to even look at him standing up with my panties hardly holding in his bulging junk with margarine slathered down his body.

 I make it out of his house into my car with no more butter harassment and leave. Delted his number and never saw him again.

Should I have moral to this story ladies? Don't let men cook you dinner it may not be what you think? 
 I will never ever forget this but also I have never told anyone because of the awkwardness of conversation to go along with this story.

Make sure to check out Ashlee story of her and her hubs and the way they met!


Amber said...

OMG that was horrifying...There is a freak and there is a FREAK. Not cool butter man not cool. I am assuming you let him keep the panties?

Anonymous said...

Oh my gosh, this is HILARIOUS and gross .. all at once.

p.V.e said...

omg that is absolutely ridiculous!!! I love this whole boyfriend series that people have been doing though!

Ashlee @ They Lived Happily Ever After... said...

OMG I just laughed out loud!!! That is hilarious!

dottie said...

What the efin hymer?!? (Yes, I probably typed that wrong) He sounds like a character from a bad movie who was probably going to try and kill you. Glad you ran. I have never heard of butter fetishes, but he wins. Totally wins.

You can't make this stuff up. Ha,ha!

Holly said...

bahahahahaha O M G Taylor. What a disgusting DB.

Alyssa said...

WTF? Oh my gosh!! Freaky!!! (And not in a good way!)

Michelle said...

HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!! You win Gerard with this story, FO SHO. Only if you'll let me have him once a week?


KatyK said...

WOW!!!! That's definitely one for the history books. Epicly gross.

Ashley said...

oh my gosh taylor....for real?! this is out of control! you win for most random dating story ever!

Anonymous said...

O.M.G.... that is all.


Amber said...

I so thought I was following your blog before!!! Well, I am now! So since I wasn't (and got all caught up on Raven's blog)... CONGRATULATIONS on your engagement!
This story is hilarious!!! Omg... what the hell?!??!

Hope you have a great day!