Happy Valentines 'salamigram...

I hate Valentine's Day

I am the most anti-valentines day person you will ever meet. I do not think it is a holiday and feel bad for guys that get bitched at for not buying their significant other something or taking them to dinner. 

I was not that girl in high school that came to school with roses, teddy bears, chocolates...or gave out candy grams. ever.

My mom isn't a Valentine's day person either so you can blame all my hatred on her.

I just do not see any point in one day with expensive dinner and roses, or teddy bears, and chocolates...I think most people make their New Year's resolution to lose weight....then go stuff your face with chocolate and a high fancy dinner?

So I have a solution to my Valentine's Day problem...since it looks like I will bear the brunt of the awkward looks when I tell my friends and co-workers that Brandon didn't get me anything for this "holiday" I decided he can get me exactly what I want and what suits me perfect

What is this you may ask...?

It's a...

SALAMIGRAM!!!


Olympic Provisions in Portland, OR
Is sending out these Salamigrams


With the lead singer from


The Tumblers!!
who will be singing  "Love is where the meat is"



I really really need this Salami gram
At least they are in the shape of hearts when you cut them...so I think this gives me a perfect excuse to buy them as a "Valentine's Day gift"


Now all I can do is pray to that little naked baby wearing a diaper and his cute little arrows to send me a salami-gram all the way to Spoka-loo


Hope you guys have a fabulous February 14! just another day

Needing that little pick me up!

I am getting reckless of my job! 

I know a lot of people complain about their job and really I have nothing to complain about.

Source: someecards.com via Holly on Pinterest

I make triple what my friends make at my age

Source: Uploaded by user via Laura on Pinterest

I am able to buy what I want to buy when I want to buy it. 

Source: polyvore.com via Maria on Pinterest

But there is something empty inside. My job doesn't bring out the joy in me anymore. I don't really feel respected. I don't wake up waiting to make a difference in something in the world!

I was alwasy hoping I would have this office and have it be bright and fulfill my day each and every time I went in. I have a boss that asks me to be more "take charge" and I feel like I have done what I can to spruce up what needs it in our building, but I am not good enough. 

I am not trying to throw a pity party.

I found this and try to live by it...

Source: Uploaded by user via Susie on Pinterest

I need a re vamp...I re-did the hair 

I bought a new outfit

Jacket is half-sies but stupid here wore a red shirt

forever 21 jacket, BKE jeans, forever 21 shoes

I think this is just a down month! i know everyone has struggles and mine I shouldn't even be whiny right now, I just don't feel in a good place with my job.

But can only hope for the best.

It's Tuesday, Tuesday, feeling so good on Tuesday....

My weekend was great for still having mono but still had a fantastic Superbowl party!!! I made these amazing little cake pop footballs
Going to have to follow me on Twitter to see


I spaced on pictures since I wasn't feeling like a million bucks, but it was great lots of people over and nothing to clean up!!!! Brandon took care of all the cleaning so I wake up the next morning and my kitchen is spotless and living room was put back together!! What more could I ask for!

I thought Madonna's halftime show was the shit!

For someone her age you have to admit she can rock it!

I am obsessed with Nicki Minaj and was ecstatic when she came out!

Then of course M.I.A.

I was happy she was on there..until..the finger flip off...was it really necessary? They picked Madonna because she had stated she just wanted a good clean show, no wardrobe malfunctions, no nakedness, nothing that couldn't be on public tv, and here goes MIA to do some publicity stunt. It wasn't necessary and I believe really uncalled for. 

I love you Madonna and am going to forget all about the finger flip off move and just say you had an amazing show...was waiting for her to make out with Nicki: but I guess Britney can only be that lucky!

Hope everyone had a fantastic weekend!!! 

Did your team win?

Any weird bets?

Any amazing drunk stories?

Also, please check out my friend, Holly to enter her giveaway for a shopping spree and starbucks!!!!

Now who could resist that!!!

Thursday Pinterest

As some of you follow me on Twitter, you found out this morning that I have mono...

Yes, the kissing disease. I blame my text thread for sharing all of our old pasts and there were lots of pictures of cute guys, weird guys, and just guys in general coming across my phone and I must have caught something. 

Thanks biatches.

So I am pinteresting my way through this today, found some awesome super bowl  appetizers!

Source: luxefinds.com via LuxeFinds.com on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Brittany on Pinterest

Source: tumblr.com via Brittany on Pinterest

Then you always have to end with a dessert..

Source: inkatrinaskitchen.com via Nicole on Pinterest

We are supposed to be getting a great turn out at our Superbowl party, I just need this mono to settle before I start living it up!!!

5 Funny/Embarrassing things in my life

OK so as now most ALL of you know I have sweaty armpits to the fact that I do get botox injections and I am actually feeling really good about it, since I received a lot of "fan mail" can I call it that? I'm going to anyways to make me feel more popular. There are so many other girls with the same problem as me and even worse! I feel your pain and we can be schweddy bitches friends together someday drinking margaritas on our own private sweddy island

(I have spelt "sweaty" 3 different times)

If you haven't seen my schweddy pits it is here

That would be my number 1 in things that have corrupted life in someway or another...

Numero 2...


I was on my way to work in downtown Seattle...it would take me over an hour to get to work each day. 
Well I am not a coffee drinker. ever.





So one morning I decide to hit the Starbucks and get a breve white chocolate mocha.

You know Seattle invented Starbucks


I get halfway to work on highway 99 which is basically a huge bridge, there is no getting off until designated areas that were way far away from where I was. So even when you are drinking your coffee and have to poo...yes. no stops.


I pulled over on the side of the HIGHWAY! and had to poo....well there is no where to hide even behind my door, and it was coming now.
Luckily...
I had a Safeway bag in my car, opened the passenger door and squatted inside my car, legs on the outside and did my business in a plastic bag. 


barf now.


The only time I ever littered and left the plastic bag on the side of the road.

Numba 3.

Bowling night with the ex boyfriend

I go out bowling with a bunch of my ex-boyfriends friends and I guess he was there too...dammit.

I was watching my ex throw 3 strikes in a row! 10th frame! I was so proud I ran up and smacked and grabbed his ass as hard as I could

I am talking full force, full fist grabbing his ass with dear life...

it wasn't him.

I guess more than one person can wear khakis and a white shirt.

Number 4

I sleep naked...I think most people do right? after a certain age you just start sleeping in the nude..?

I do. 

So I have just gotten my new puppy, am I seriously going to make her sleep by herself?!

hell no.

She sleeps with mama! I wake up a few hours later and something is "pinching" my nips I was literally half asleep and just thought it was the fiance wanting to get frisky...

Wrong

She was nursing. On me. 

I was a human cow for 15 seconds! 

Never sleeping naked with the dogs again.

Last but not least 

Numba 5!

Lounging pool side in Cabo San Lucas

There is an amazing water slide and I just have to go down it on my floaty, I'm on vacation the sun is out, I'm gonna live it up down here.

I go down the water slide; splashing into the pool climb back on my floaty and just float around the pool.

So much fun!

NOT.

All the vacationers are staring at me and I start to get big headed " oh ya I'm a good looking American, keep staring" 

Well while I am laying on my floaty thinking I look all good and sh!t, I finally look down once I feel a nice cool breeze roll by, my stop was pushed up right above my tata's

I'm laying there with my nunga nunga's just hanging out for the whole world to see and thinking people are staring at me because I was cute!

guess that's what I get for being conceded! 

I would love to hear other embarrassing moments!

Pay it forward

Last week as I was sufficing my hunger pains with the delishness of a Zip's peanut butter cup milkshake. I am waiting in line for a big rig truck that is practically ordering everything off the menu. 

I want my milkshake and I want it now!

As I am trying to be polite and inch towards his bumper to give him the nice, "Hey I am behind you let's hurry the eff up" type gesture, he finally moves.

I now can slurp up my fatty peanut butter milkshake, large by the way, which I don't need but this day I couldn't hold back

I drive up to the window and the lady tells me that there is no need for my $5 to pay for this delicious $5 milkshake....yes $5 for a milkshake and no there is no bourbon with it...

She hands me my shake and hands me this note

The drive thru worker also informed me that he not only paid for my order but also the 6 other hungry people's orders behind me!

I couldn't believe it!!!!

I know those who follow me on Facebook and twitter have already seen this! but I had to pass on the entire story. That made my day and paying it forward is contagious!

Source: weheartit.com via Colette on Pinterest

The next morning I bought the 2 people behind me in starbucks their orders as well, I can only hope that sometime in there say they went and did the same thing.

I am wanting to do a link up and ask that every blogger that visits here, link up and tell about a time when you have paid it forward, or to do it starting tomorrow. When you get your morning coffee, egg McMuffin, etc. help the person out behind you. 

Source: etsy.com via Kaylan on Pinterest

Let's start this trend this week and I can not wait to read about how you helped one person and how great it made you feel!

Schweddy beezy

I have had some girls who follow me on twitter and who are also my facebook friends ask me about my posts on my Hyperhidrosis

Hyperhidrosis can either be generalized or localized to specific parts of the body. Hands, feet, armpits, and the groin area are among the most active regions of perspiration due to the relatively high concentration of sweat glands

Well I have this condition...(only in my pits)

I am a sweaty beezy! 

It started when I was in Junior high

So cute right...

and sweating and I ruined that shirt which I loved so much with the yellow/brownish stains under my armpits!! I refuse to wear white for years cause I tried using prescription deodorant

Didn't work

I used a pill

this didn't work...and I didn't have odor..just sweating

So I had to go to the next step and get Botox in my armpits...

I have done this three times in a year! it should last 8 months but mine lasts about 4 because I am such a schweddy beezy

I get this entire bottle distributed into each armpit, 50 units each

They start by putting iodine in your armpit then dusting my armpits with cornstarch

You wait for 10-15 minutes in the room to see where you sweat at, the reaction with the iodine and cornstarch makes the area turn purple.

the guy was so close to my face the flash was super bright

So in a matter of 10 minutes I had that much sweat...I wore deodorant this day also...

they take the Botox and stick you in the purple areas, where mine is the doctor said its normal but some will get it right at the top of their pits, or even at the very bottom...so I am normal somewhere! thank goodness!

It felt like teeny little pin pricks, a paper cut hurts 10x worse that the pricks, I was in and out in 20 minutes!

Today I have a snow day from work, I never ever watch True Life...well today I flip to it...what do you know

True Life- i have an embarrassing condition and a girl on there had hyperhidrosis!

True Life - MTV Shows - Full Episodes

I do not have the type where I drip sweat, just the pitting out under my arms, I hate it and it does affect my day to day life with trying to hide it or having to wear a tank top and keep pit sticks in my desk at work and in my car. I don't really talk about it, but when I started too I found out many more people have it than I thought. I don't feel alone and I feel like I can help. My insurance covers the Botox since it is a medical condition, which makes my life so much easier as well. I told a few girls I would write a post on this, I am willing to answer any questions anyone has about it.

I am currently looking at a surgeon for getting my sweat glands removed because I am in that top percent and tired of being embarrassed, I really hope they hear my story and understand what I am going through to get this procedure done.