Thursday, May 16, 2013

Lifestyle of a bikini barista

The industry of coffee has shifted from the girls who get to wear their jeans and tanks to now wearing a thong and pasties.

This is not in fact for ALL bikini/lingerie stands. I feel like they get a bad rep because some have been known to prostitute from their service window. 

The only thing I'm stroking is the steam wand.

I needed something on top of my "big girl" job where I was going to make bank, hardly have to hold a conversation, actually have a reason to buy the "trashy" lingerie, which never makes it to my bedroom anyway.

I know the stigma and I honestly don't give a shit, you want to trade me places and when you ring up someone for a $3.50 mocha, they give you a $20 and say, "Keep the change" 

Holla back!!!

It's it literally mindless and the girls are actually very sweet. I have made friends with all of them and each has their own story and pretty much ended up in the same boat as me of just wanting easy money for less hours. 

If I had a car payment, I would be able to make it in my 5 hour shift.

How much work do you put in to do that?

One of the stands I float between is a bar as well....GREAT MARKETING! Customers can actually come in and have a beer while oogling my goodies but never touching, I am allowed to be stern and if need be "rude" with customers when they get a little 'fresh' but for obvious reasons our HR department doesn't exist. 

Every girl loves to feel sexy and when you constantly have people telling you how beautiful you look, I don't care if they look like Shrek, my days are instantaneously better. But we do get some rather good looking men, which sucks, as I refuse to give me number out to anyone I work with.


These guys are my only problem, they come in with WADS of Benjamin's and throw it in my face about how they could take care of me and give me whatever I want, take me shopping, buy me a boob job...(anyone up for a reversal??) 

F$%# NO! I am not an idiot as to take them up on buying me that new Gucci purse, Prada Pumps, and of course the girls being nipped and tucked. At some point they are going to expect you to let them penetrate you in some way, as you have penetrated their bank account.

Or wherever they get that money from. I don't want to know. 

Some girls have them and swear they have never slept with them, although they are driving a brand new luxury sedan...


I will stick to big tips and not big di@#s.


Of course they are coming in there, I do love when most say "I just love your guy's coffee and it just happens to be a bonus that you all are good looking"...Ya ya now take your hand out of your pocket mister. 

What makes you a creeper when you intentionally make your drink order to my breasts. Be a little sly about it, please. They will not talk back to you and your milk is coming from a cow, not me. 

Creeper status 2, telling me I dropped stuff on the floor so I need to bend over to get it, or make me walk around mindlessly looking under things for the diamond earring you lost.
Never falling for it!

I am a f@#$tard and how many people actually bend over at the waist to get something???? I am definitely one who bends my knees in a sitting position if I drop something.

Which I do when I actually have something on the floor to pick up and I am always facing the customer. 

Sorry dude, not that kind of girl.

Creepers of the 3rd degree... "May I get a glass of water?" 
Really. You're wasting my time.

I did start charging $3 for water though

Nothing is free

Let's skip to the worst of the creepers....

I love when they come in, sit down, bring their own AM/PM coffee and talk to their imaginary friend about how they have a gun and we all need to stay calm. 

These ones make my morning shit come out just a little easier, and for that I thank you.

Are you kidding me though?! These guys do this at 1 stand a little more than the rest. The cops say they are "regulars" and not harmful, 9/10 they don't have weapons but their imaginary friend does and that is what they see. 



I tend not to tell anyone where I work as I don't like the judgement on their face, I should really care less as I pay off and do 10X more things than any of my friends and have absolutely no debt. I am not a stripper...not that there is anything wrong with that...but I just could never touch a customer or wave my lady parts in their face knowing that the flag pole isn't the only thing at attention. 

It's way fun, I have all day to do what I want so I can actually have a life, or pursue my big girl dreams. 

The perks are awesome though, free oil changes, photo shoots, pictures developed, MP3 players, movies, clothes, shoes..etc. But I only accept when they drop it off in the stand and I have never given out my number, but if they are willing to give me a gift why shouldn't I take it??

We had a surprise photo shoot done recently and it was pretty fun I must admit. I am a little more modest than some of the girls. 

The blue/pink bandeau pictures was my first day, no make up and my hair was originally up...but I guess hot mess can sometimes be in.

I know I am fuzzy...


Lizzy said...

Two things:
1. I want your butt and legs. They are perfect.

2. Is girlfriend wearing duct tape on her nipples?! If she is, OUCH!

Next time I visit my sister, I will have to stalk you to find you! ;)

Traci said...

I have never heard of this before.

If I looked like you, sign me up! Sounds like fun easy money.

Raven said...


That's all I have to say.

Kristine said...

Hahahaha ha... Raven's comment :)
Girl, you've got the body of a goddess. My fave pic? The one of just your ass in the motorcycle. It's hot!
I love your stance on these bikini baristas... People are so damn opinionated about them and to be honest, I've thought about doing it as a side job but the bf shows signs of being too protective and I don't wanna start any shit with him, haha.

Sarah and Stewart said...

You go girl! If I had that bod I would be rockin' it shamelessly, too! :-)

Sarah @ Life As Always

Chrissyfeen said...

stagmatism? lol

♡Molly♡ said...

You are one hot betch...:)

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