Monday, December 17, 2012

Seeing the slutty side.

Rejoice rejoice! Christmas is in 8 days!! 

if we make is since the world ends on December 21.. so we will see if I am saving my money for jack shit.

I am loving LOVING my new job! I only have to deal with someone for maybe an hour then send them on their merry way either pissed off cause they are too damn stupid to figure out how to push a button, or they think I am Jesus in the second coming. 

I am less stressed out at my new job, since my manager and I have 30 second dance parties in the office when we feel a small bit of a set back or did something super awesome.

I have been working my tail off then hitting the bars to act like a slut and look for my next victim  husband.

I am sneaky though. being the broke biatch I am after all of this going through the big D and don't mean Dallas ( Channeling my inner country) I can't say I have enough money to be partying the lifestyle I was used to.

So, ladies who are broke or you just want people to pay for your drinks then leave them high and dry, this is what I do...

1st step: Dress like a fucking SLUT!!! Guys don't like "nice girls", they aren't going to buy a "nice girl" a drink, they don't want to f$%^ a "nice girl"
So look like a bad girl. slut.

Step 2:  Order a drink that looks like "a drink" I tend to order soda water with 2 wedges of lime (makes it seem more girly)

3rd Step: Act a little drunk. Not a lot we don't want to be a hooker, just a slut. Say shit like " OH MY GOD I HAVE THE BIGGEST WEDGIE EVER!!! Oh wait, I'm not wearing any panties HA HA  HA" Laugh with your mouth wide open. The suck your drink down and trip over yourself a tiny bit! TINY BIT!!

4th step: He will definitely ask "So what are you drinking?" Then you are make up some stupid shit about how you didn't like your drink and order whatever the fuck you want on their tab.

Step 5: They will probably start getting very annoying, I normally say I don't like the next drink and suck it down get 1 more out of them and tell them whatever the hell they are saying is stupid and they are immature. They call me a bitch then leave. But I got 2 drinks worth about $16 in the end.

I would just take the money but I am not that skeezy.

Another broke bitch tip

Text all of your exes telling them your back living at home, starting a new career and would love to get together. 

There has to be 1 other guy who will want to see you and feel bad for you.

They should offer to meet up for dinner then be like " well I was thinking we could hang out in my dad's basement like old times, since I am poor and going through the D" 

like I said they will feel bad for you and should offer to take you out to dinner to hear about your problems, faking it. of course.

free dinner. bam!

While you are at your elegant dinner since you have told them you haven't been treated like a princess in a really long time, if they are in a relationship tell them all the things their girlfriend is doing wrong, how she is probably a lying, cheating, liar, whore. Then announce how you would never treat them anything less than the king they are. 

This will buy you about 5 more dinners.

Save you some time actually trying to date someone new, but letting you know you still go it! 

sleeping together is optional. 

I am starting to feel out my sluttier side and I kind of like it. 

I want to give out tips on how to possibly look and act easy. 

i am definitely not condoning being easy, but playing the part and getting free shit. Ya put me down for that! 


There is going to be a meet up at Purple Wine bar on December 21st at 7:30pm!

Purple Cafe and Wine Bar
1225 4th Avenue  Seattle, WA 98101

Thank you to Kristene for putting this on! I can't wait to see all you girls! if you are going to attend and didn't get an email from Kristene let me know!


Kristine said...

Annnnd this is why I love you friend :)
Can't wait for Friday! :)

Bethany Scruggs said...

i. love. you. slut. ;)

Dani @ Inspire. Motivate. Love. said...

Bahahahahaha!!!! This just made my day. :) Except here in Spoke, I see this daily downtown, and the girls are for serious. My secret - date the bar manager. It'll get you free drinks every time!

Dani @ Inspire. Motivate. Love. said...

Oh, and I'm totally sad I'm missing this blogger meet up!! Spring time, I'm tellin ya. Spring! :)

K said...

Oh how I miss free drinks! It's just not the same when the Hubs offers to buy me a drink and then I find out it came from the joint account. Womp. Womp. Rock that single status girl!

Holly said...

hahahahaha I love you! this is funny :)

Anonymous said...

You crack me up!
Hope to see you there on Friday :D

Kathleen said...

AHHH so sad I can't make it for drinks in Seattle :( Let me know the next time you do a meet up!!!