Monday, January 30, 2012

5 Funny/Embarrassing things in my life

OK so as now most ALL of you know I have sweaty armpits to the fact that I do get botox injections and I am actually feeling really good about it, since I received a lot of "fan mail" can I call it that? I'm going to anyways to make me feel more popular. There are so many other girls with the same problem as me and even worse! I feel your pain and we can be schweddy bitches friends together someday drinking margaritas on our own private sweddy island

(I have spelt "sweaty" 3 different times)

If you haven't seen my schweddy pits it is here

That would be my number 1 in things that have corrupted life in someway or another...

Numero 2...

I was on my way to work in downtown would take me over an hour to get to work each day. 
Well I am not a coffee drinker. ever.

So one morning I decide to hit the Starbucks and get a breve white chocolate mocha.

You know Seattle invented Starbucks

I get halfway to work on highway 99 which is basically a huge bridge, there is no getting off until designated areas that were way far away from where I was. So even when you are drinking your coffee and have to poo...yes. no stops.

I pulled over on the side of the HIGHWAY! and had to poo....well there is no where to hide even behind my door, and it was coming now.
I had a Safeway bag in my car, opened the passenger door and squatted inside my car, legs on the outside and did my business in a plastic bag. 

barf now.

The only time I ever littered and left the plastic bag on the side of the road.

Numba 3.

Bowling night with the ex boyfriend

I go out bowling with a bunch of my ex-boyfriends friends and I guess he was there too...dammit.

I was watching my ex throw 3 strikes in a row! 10th frame! I was so proud I ran up and smacked and grabbed his ass as hard as I could

I am talking full force, full fist grabbing his ass with dear life...

it wasn't him.

I guess more than one person can wear khakis and a white shirt.

Number 4

I sleep naked...I think most people do right? after a certain age you just start sleeping in the nude..?

I do. 

So I have just gotten my new puppy, am I seriously going to make her sleep by herself?!

hell no.

She sleeps with mama! I wake up a few hours later and something is "pinching" my nips I was literally half asleep and just thought it was the fiance wanting to get frisky...


She was nursing. On me. 

I was a human cow for 15 seconds! 

Never sleeping naked with the dogs again.

Last but not least 

Numba 5!

Lounging pool side in Cabo San Lucas

There is an amazing water slide and I just have to go down it on my floaty, I'm on vacation the sun is out, I'm gonna live it up down here.

I go down the water slide; splashing into the pool climb back on my floaty and just float around the pool.
So much fun!


All the vacationers are staring at me and I start to get big headed " oh ya I'm a good looking American, keep staring" 

Well while I am laying on my floaty thinking I look all good and sh!t, I finally look down once I feel a nice cool breeze roll by, my stop was pushed up right above my tata's

I'm laying there with my nunga nunga's just hanging out for the whole world to see and thinking people are staring at me because I was cute!

guess that's what I get for being conceded! 

I would love to hear other embarrassing moments!


Kelsey said...

love love the puppy story!

ashleigh said...

i seriously couldnt stop laughing;
i love you girl

Julie said...

These are hilarious!! Probably not funny at the time but now things to look back and laugh about!

Samantha said...

OH Thanks for sharing! It started my Tuesday off with a good chuckle!

Amber said...

I am dying about the puppy nursing on you!

Ashley said...

Oh my gosh!! haha your stories are hilarious - I couldn't help but giggle away at my desk. Everyone walking by probably thought I lost it. Thanks for sharing!!

Laura Ward said...

Oh this is too funny! I couldn't resist sending the part about the poo incident to my boyfriend. I said "hey read's a girl who writes a blog I like to read...she's hilarious" and he wrote back "and clearly smarter than you too".

May seem rude but here's why: I once had the same problem. But you know what I did? I let it go in my seat. I had on a dress so I lifted it up and just shit all over my seat. I finally approached a stopping point and grabbed some clothes and towels from the back of my car (luckily I live like a slob and have a car full of clothes) and wiped myself and the seat. Worst part...I left the filthy shitty towels and clothes on the ground in the parking lot!

Why I chose to tell my boyfriend this clue?!?! I am a fan of public humiliation I guess.

Ride Country Girl said...

Thanks for the Embarassing stories. Gave a good laugh and took a trip down memory lane. We've all had embarrassing stories!

Holly said...

bahahahaha OMG.
Seriously soooo funny!

The pup nursing on you?! I die!


Amie said...

Lol I love how real you keep it, Taylor! One time I had a Red Bull before hitting up a party and Red Bull always makes me have to poop...but some dumb bitch tried to flush a pad down the ONE TOILET in the house the party was at. So my husband and I left sort of early and I'm all drunk on jungle juice. We are not even halfway home when it hits me that I HAVE TO POOP NOW. I live in a small town so nothing is open. We pull off at a park, thinking I can use the toilets there, right? Wrong. They are locked! I just run into the bushes and pull my pants down right there. I'm almost done when headlights flash across me and I realize these bushes I'm hiding behind aren't very full and if you looked hard enough, you could probably see me squatting by the road!!! I was so embarrassed. We got out of there FAST.

elizalouise.bell said...

OMG I DIE. You are hillar girl!

Katy said...

Haha! These are the funniest things I have read all day. The puppy nursing on you was the best.

KatyK said...

Can I just say...I love that you keeps it real. (I do actually talk like that...but in a joking way...not my actual daily vernacular way)

The poop story is hilarious to me because I believe in pooping where you are. The hubs believes in holding on for dear life until you are home. And only home. Once drove 20 mins from office home just to poo.

Nursing dog story is funny because of the hubs too. He was shirtless constantly until one day when I handed him our daughter who was about five weeks at the time....she immediately 'latched on' to her daddy. He FREAKED....good times.

Jill said...

haha wow so is it a fact everyone has an embarassing poo story!!? I do!!! haha poor you girl!

Ill never forget! I was at my grandmothers in the snow we were walking to the store and all of a sudden I felt the URGE to go right then and there I kept telling her "grammy I have to go to the bathroom" she told me to wait we were almost there. I couldnt wait any more it was COMING. So I quickly ran to the side of these peoples house and squat down and did my thang. Then I see this dog looking over to the side and here comes the OWNER of the house and I am like there squatting. I was MORETIFIED girl! My grandmother asked for tissues and he brought them out to me. OH MY GOD. lol.

Britt said...

You are so stinkin cute! Seriously! I have way too many embarrassing moments to even share! But if I think of some this may definitely be a good post for later!!