Monday, October 29, 2012

I failed in my marriage

My life has been turned upside down from the last post. 
I thank all of you that emailed me your private emails as well as the comments. I was willing to give it my all and apparently he wasn't but your kind words helped me sleep at night. I wish all of you other newlyweds that got married on August 4 we can still share some kind of happiness on that day I will be proud for you and you be proud that I got my dream wedding, everything I could ever want, i just lost it all too quickly. 

I am getting a divorce.

It feels so harsh to say those words, but I asked my husband to do counseling and we could get help for our arguing, which wasn't that bad. Every normal couple argues and if you don't good for you, but I think you are lying.

My husband texted me all of this, which I think is the lowest of low's. I needed a man and thought I had a man who was going to say his wedding vows and mean them, that hasn't happened and been a huge whirlwind of small things they he didn't want to even try. So good reddens! I am so much better off without someone who isn't going to work hard for the one they love. 

I moved back to Seattle, which has already been the most exciting thing in my life. I love living back at home and my dad has been absolutely amazing on helping me get back on my feet. 

I have been calling myself names lately, like failure, loser, worthless, etc my dad has helped bring up my mood and let me know that I am not any of those things and I put my foot forward I extended my olive branch to work out my marital issues, he is the one that backed away, he coward and I get to keep my pride and stand tall. 

The job hunt continues and I am so excited to start my life over as being single and having a new career. Prayers would help to extend to the business I have applied for will somehow come across my name and know that I will be the right fit. 

What I have enjoyed most about this is I feel whole. I ultimately feel like I am complete and almost sad since I have to feel that way and be alone. But I like it. I like making my own rules. I wake up every morning and I get to do what Taylor wants to do. I live by Taylor's rules. 

It is amazing how certain people find out what is going on in your life and they slowly start to come out of the woodwork! like I had said I love being wanted. My swag has been rejuvenated and I am ready to let my hair down, change up my attitude, see where my life takes me now.

I have this scripture that I have been carrying around 

Don't worry I won't be getting all religious on you guys! I don't push that stuff, it's my business..so let's just take this as "words of wisdom" from a very big book :)

"Look on everyone who is proud and humble him, And tread down the wicked where they stand"

Have a fantastic week!

32 comments:

P!nky said...

Sending you much love sweet girl. Life is too short to be anything but happy so props to you for doing what is right by you.

I'll be praying for you and for a new job for ya.

Don't let the haters and judgers get you down. You are the ONLY person that has to live YOUR LIFE!

Be happy, be loved, be fabulous!

xoxo

Tickled Pink said...

I know this has been a rough time sweetheart, but you are loved! Good things are coming and you are lucky to have your dad and friends surrounding you! XXOO

Kristine said...

I'm thinking of you, love. You are strong and you can get through this. I'm here for you to lean on if you need it, as always :)

love you!

Kenzie Smith said...

Your dad sounds like a wonderful guy (: & You deserve nothing but the best, and a man who will fight for you. Keep your head up gorgeous! I'm always a few hours away if you need anything!

Curly Girl Confessions said...

:)
Hugs sweet girl! Stand tall, stand proud and be positive!

Cara said...

I am so sorry this is happening to you and I can't even imagine the pain and sadness that you are going through. Keep your head up and keep that positive attitude that it sounds like you already have. You are strong and independent and great things will be coming your way. I truly believe that everything works out for the best and I'm sure it is confusing as to why this is happening, but just know that there is a bigger, better plan for you. This just wasn't it and that is 100% ok. Sending love and good vibes your way for the job. Keep your chin up, girlfriend!

Ash said...

girl, you are not a loser or a failure or anything bad! you are a woman, a good woman, who was able to realize what she needed to be happy. and, as you said, a good woman needs a good MAN (well, i guess no woman NEEDS a man.. but good woman should have equally, if not better, men)..

i find you so brave and strong for sharing this. seriously. call yourself a gryffindor, if anything, but do not call yourself a loser!

and yay for a new career! one where they dont mind you being YOU.. or having a silly little blog :p

i feel like your scripture is one from pulp fiction ala samuel l jackson... "and i will strike down upon thee with great vengeance and fuuuuuuuurious anger!"


and now you have another name: bad-ass (:
xo

Cate said...

I am so so SO proud of you, Taylor. It took incredible strength and courage to write this post. I'm so happy that you're happier now, and excited to see where life takes you!

Ashley said...

Oh my gosh, I missed the first post on this - my life has been a little crazy as well!

Do NOT feel like a failure, you are not one at all. You are a woman who tried to make a marriage work, but did not feel the feelings were being reciprocated. One of my best friends wanted to end her marriage after about 7 months but was terrified of what people were going to think. We talked a lot about it and the one thing I told her over and over again, was that SHE needed to be happy before anything else - don't stay in a relationship/marriage to show people you are happy or to prevent upsetting your significant other.
I'm glad you are taking the steps to ensure your happiness :) praying you find a great job you love!

Jenny Beth said...

I just love you!!!!!'

Holly said...

You are DEFINITELY not a loser or failure or ANYTHING. you tried and tried and ultimately its his LOSS. you are strong, brave, and beautiful and will make it through. no other option!

loves you!

ashleigh said...

girly; you are far from a loser/failure/etc. you are amazing, and i think the whole "wedding" thing may have overshadowed the things that were going on in your relationship, i think you are beautiful, and will make it through this all; with your head held high and you dignity. prayers for you are definitely coming, and i know you will be okay after this all. i think you deserve a man who says those vows and MEANS THEM. thats why they are vows! =]

you will be fine, you will find a job, and you are "young, fun, and still learning" ;)) love you girl

always here

Sheryl said...

Praying for you!!!

Alana Christine said...

You deserve the best! This is a fresh start for you to be happy and treated how you should be treated.

Annabelle said...

I've been thinking about you! I am glad that you are getting back on your feet and standing tall! You deserve to be truely happy! I love our email conversations! Too bad we live across the US from each other! Hey, maybe you need a trip to the south to find a real gentleman! haha~!

Amy Lynn said...

Tons of hugs girl and keep your chin up! Everything happens for a reason! Xoxo

Whitney @ Everything Happens For a Reason said...

I'm so sorry girl!!!!

Around this time, I had asked my husband for a divorce. I'll leave out all the details because I'm a posting a comment. He didn't do anything wrong. It was me... just not wanting to try. Luckily, we aren't getting a divorce, and we are going to be together.

Anyway.. like I always say, "Everything Happens For a Reason." You may or may not see it now, but there is someone great waiting on you and that will be perfect for you.

Kristine Foley said...

Good for you for not settling love. Things do happen for a reason and I'm so happy to hear you're feeling good about the decision, because you have to take care of you. Huge hugs to you! oxoxoxo

Kelly { Messy.Dirty.Hair.} said...

You are so strong!!! Seriously girl I commend you after reading this & the post below!

Kelly said...

It's not easy, it's not easy to admit your relationship didn't work out like you thought that it would. I give you a lot of credit for picking your self up and doing what you think is best. It's not easy but there are great days ahead. You are a strong woman and this in no way makes you a failure. Just makes you understand yourself and what you want from someone.

hugs lady

Lisamarie said...

Oh gees... I just came across your blog through Raven's blog. This is such a tough time for you. But you know... you are young and beautiful and you deserve a man that adds to your life, not detracts. And sadly... most men don't change. If he's no good now, he won't be any good tomorrow or next year. My thoughts and prayers are totally with you always! You are already bouncing back and are going to do just fine! And cheers to living with loving parents! I would still be living with my mom if she hadn't moved away three years ago.

Whitney @ I Wore Yoga Pants said...

Um, Glen Coco? YOU GO, Glen Coco! it takes a strong, bad ass woman to realize they deserve better. (not biased because I consider myself one... woah, cocky bish). But, in all seriousness, I am over here giving you a big HELL YEAH!

Jamie said...

Marriage is hard. Divorce is hard. Hugs to you.

K said...

Sorry that you are going through this! I know you wanted to try and work it out, but I guess it is better to know now that he won't be there when the going gets tough! Hang in there! I'm sure there are bigger and better things out there for you. This just opens up the door for them.

Jess said...

So sorry you are going through this, but I was in your place 3 years ago. I got married on June 27, 2009 and we were legally divorced less than a year later. It's not fun and it's not easy, but you're right - you can live for YOU now and do what you want to do. Living with someone who doesn't want to be a part of that is not living at all. I had to learn that the hard way, but I'm here to tell you that it's ok! Life keeps moving and it looks like you've already seen the positive side - you have learned a lot, I'm sure. I know I did!!

And, I got to have my dream wedding, parties, etc, too...and they were so fun. ;)

Prayers and hugs to you!!

xo

Babygirl said...

stay strong...I too had a failed marriage at ten months, but I promise it gets better! Two weeks after the divorce was final, I met the man of my dreams, and we married 2 1/2 years later, and couldn't be happier. We just refer to that first fiasco as the rehersal wedding! What do you do when the person you married doesn't know what it means to be married, nor want to do anything to fix that...you move on. You'll be in my prayers as you start this new journey!

Nikki said...

Girlfriend you are very strong! I am here for you you know this. It breaks my heart to hear you going through this divorce sucks! Need anything dont hesitate to call or txt me! xoxo

Ashley {AshesMcG} said...

you are not a loser or a failure and do not think that. It takes more courage to walk away than it does to stay. I came to your blog from Raven's and you have to do what is BEST for you and not care what other people think!

happymommy said...

I am so sorry to hear this news but want you to know that you are by no means a failure or a loser.....things happen good and bad and we learn from them and move on. You seem to have a positive attitude about what is next for you and the support from your dad seems to be tremendous which is great. I have followed your blog for awhile (found you through Raven's blog) and just love yoour spunk and personality and know that you will be just fine. Keep your chin up and think of the positive things in your life, I know that doesn't just take the pain away from what is happening but you will get through this and come out on top!
P.S. Love the new pic of you on your page...you are stunning!!!

Chelsea said...

So sorry for you but I am amazed by your outlook! You definitely will make it through this rough time! There is no better place to get your swag back then Seattle and if you're ever looking for new friends/coffee mates. You can holler at this fan of your blog. :)

undomestic chica said...

So sorry lady. But you know, there's tons of us cool ass chicks in Seattle :) Let me know if you need anything.

Bethany Scruggs said...

YOU ARE AMAZING. BEAUTIFUL. LOVING. FUN. SWEET. WITTY. AND BEAUTIFUL. twice - lol. (: Tell yourself that EVER DAY or I will kick your tiny ass.