Getting older, getting hotter, but not getting any luckier

Hello Ladies!!!!

Nothing warms my heart more than knowing I have been missed! Thank you ladies for the emails, comments on my instagram and Twitter. I haven't blogged in over 2 months because i wasn't feeling "inspired" 

I can't blog about my workout progress, as I am naturally skinny and I can seriously lose 5lbs in a week and still eat gummy bears for breakfast. Sorry i'm not sorry

I can't blog about fashion sense because my ass and tits literally hang out of everything cute and I don't think that is counted as "fashionable"

But....

the one thing about being a divorcee' with no children, no money, and no responsibilities is the 

Dating life.

Now a few months ago I wrote about how I met this amazing guy on New Years and how I was actually going to wait for him to get off the fishing boat..blah blah blah. 

Well, I did wait. I went for 2 f$%#ing miserable months without sex, without tongue exercises, without being touched by anyone. 

My own living hell.

I should have taken stock out in energizer. No wonder their mascot is a rabbit.

He comes back from Alaska and I am thinking there will be this spark and have this perfect relationship since I was with my ugly ass husband. 

Yes,...I thought my husband was not very attractive. He treated me good for a while and that's why I liked him, but I seriously gave myself the shaft by marrying him.

So, I feel like I have this catch.

Wrong. 

This guy comes to The Ram...right. The Ram just a steakhouse and brewery, a few of my friends are there, a few of his friends are there, we are drinking, boozing, having a few laughs. The bill comes later in the night, he picks it up like a gentleman. I am thinking to myself how this is quite the catch, paying for my friends drinks and food, very sweet.

Well the bill was about $156, I am thinking not bad for 6 people...

He announces, "Oh wow it's only $156 bucks, I was planning on spending $1000 tonight."

seriously. 

Who the f$%^ says that! 

I ended up having to see him again because he left some things in my car, the entire time all he did was talk about how much things cost and how this is ONLY $500 and this is ONLY $200...well I am sorry baby but I am ONLY into dating a real man. 

I kicked him to the curb...

More like stopped answering his texts and calls. 

I'm a classy bitch.

Now for this other potential boyfriend...

ya, so what I like dating around, whatever whatever I do what I want

guy number 2...

Where to even begin, I am smitten yet again. But I overanalyze everything. I am a fricken psychopath and think if they don't text me back in a certain amount of time I am not good enough. If I don't act a certain way they will lose interest. I have to be completely perfect, always fun, always entertaining, or he will not like me.

How old am I?? 16?? 

But this is how I get when I really like someone. But we aren't a "couple" so I feel like I am not allowed to voice any of these feelings for fear he will think I am crazy.

I am 100% myself around him 80% o the time, but there is the 20% where I am thinking what can I do to make him like me more. 

I am getting asked out on dates at work by guys who are...lets say on a scale of 1-10 they are around a 5. 

I can act completely fine, because not trying to sound big headed I know I am better than they are. I feel like I can be cute and sexy because they will never have a chance with me.

Is that mean?

My mom has said always look our for number 1. I am trying to keep myself out there, but this number 2 guy is turning my world upside down and I feel like I am getting mind-fucked! 

Does he want to be with me exclusively or this just a fun time I get to have until the next best thing comes around

My girlfriend told me to be celibate for a year.

F that. 

I am trying to be sexy, I am working out like crazy, I am having fun, but there is that part that never feels good enough. Is this just being a crazy ass woman?!