Wednesday, November 21, 2012

The Boyfriend Application...

This is Tay-woww's boyfriend application! Ladies, give me your singles!!

Ok, ok I didn't mean like that...

I was thinking more of something along these lines...

I have come out with this "Boyfriend Application" I am desperate to find my one! They always say when you're not looking that's when it happens...well I moved to po-dunk crappy Spokane wanting to be single and BOOM! someone landed into my life..and brutally F$%^ed it up.

Alright alright, So let's just get to the application. Although they better be willing to put up with my shenanigans as long as they know I do offer foot rubs...

Question 1- Are you single?
-If yes. You're done
Question 2- Fill in this sentence "I would like to___________ on your _______________but your friends will think I'm ______________ but not to worry cause I will win them over by ___________ I will always be at your ___________ and promise to ___________ you everyday.
-If this has nothing to do with spoiling and loving my friends. You're done.

Question 3- Are you working? And by working people rely on your to get a job done, it's not for yourself but you are contributing back to society in someway and your job doesn't entitle anything along the lines of "Do you want fries with that?"
-Then you're done.

Question 4- If you were to be eaten by a cannibal but could choose how they would cook you, how would you be prepared?
-Medium rare. Or you're done

Question 5- Do you own any sex toys?
-You're done.

Question 6- do you ever think you would be using those on me, after they have already been used?
-F&*^ off

Question 7- Can you see that their are to  many grammer mistakes in this sentence, irregardless of the context?
-There, two, grammar, irregardless. Bam.

Question 8- How much time between texts do you think is appropriately labeled "timely matter"? 
-if this is more than 60 seconds. You're done. 

Question 9- Would you say my boobs are small are big?
-If you noticed quickly. You're done

Question 10- Do you have a picture of your ex?
-You're done

Question 11- Am I prettier than anyone you have dated?
-If don't wanna know

Question 12- Am I funnier than any of your exes?
-Answer Yes.

Question 13- Can you toss your own salad?
-Get the F out.

Question 14- What is one thing you can't say no to?
-This only better relate to me

Question 15- When I have a hard day at work are you going to send me flowers, chocolates, candy gram, a real life unicorn with Channing Tatum?
-I think you get a good hint

Question 16- Would you always make me first? Call me, text me, but leave me the hell alone when need be?
-yes. or you're done

Question 17- Is the price ever too high to keep me happy?
-No. or you're done

Question 18- If I tell you I have a crime scene in my pants, what is your first instinct?
-better get your ass to the store and get me some jumbo elephant sized push pop tampons, ben and Jerry's half baked, a tub of Papa Murphey's cookie dough, and something fluffy.

Question 19- When I come home what is your first thought?
-damn, this is the hottest, most intelligent, joyful, outgoing, hilarious, non self-centered woman I have ever known and she is all mine, and I will walk through miles of sh!t to keep her.

Question 20- You are promising to bring me a lifetime of happiness, and I you. I want to be treated like the woman I am, what I am worth. Spoiled and of course I would spoil you back. Don't ever deny me from any...... don't tell me that anyone else is prettier than me. Don't tell me about your exes. 

I think if a man an handle all of these handle all of this. I will take him

I would love for some creative questions. As I am totes using 98% of these on potentials right now.


Cate said...

OMG girl....#8 and #18 had me falling off my chair laughing. All of these are AMAZING! but also....will you lie and say you don't do something that is a pet peeve of mine then guiltily confess months later? if yes, YOU'RE DONE.

seriously, #8. I keep laughing. everyone knows a timely manner is IMMEDIATELY! If not you better have a great reason why I had to wait hours for an answer to my oh so important question.

Anonymous said...

Haha this application is too funny! I love that you give the answers - that way they can't eff up :D A crime scene in your pants HAHA! Oh man. This is great :D
Hope you have a wonderful Thanksgiving ♥

Melanie said...

Hilarious. Any guy who can pass that test is probably worth at least 1 date. After that he may need to pass some more tests. Haha.

Chelsea said...

When you find the man who supplies real life unicorns can I share him?!?! And Yes.. Blate! I will not make you go on the wheel...(Unless I can convince you Channing Tatum is at the top!)